sheashannara

Finally finished creating the characters for the six classes I'd made for my role-playing game that I started working on months ago, and it just honestly feels like checking off a to-do list. Just one more thing I worked on that will never go anywhere. It's been this pattern for a while now: start something, get horribly depressed in the middle of it, and when I come back to it I either have no desire to finish it, or do so just so it's "done".

I gave up on life so long ago I don't know why I even bother creating. Some people just aren't meant to create successfully (and before anyone offers some unasked for "advice", I know there are plenty of people that create just to create, and good for them; if it's not going to go anywhere, I don't see the point, it's just how I'm wired). I'm just so tired all the time.

(And, I've had several people tell me I just need to change my outlook or "be happy", but since I'm a logic driven person, doing those things won't help my problems, they would just be a lie or a mask I wear, something I already do at work as I learned long ago that misery shouldn't love company, it just makes more people miserable for no good reason; having to wear a mask at all times would just make me not ME...)