Yesterday I finished the rough draft on all the classes for the RPG I've created; they aren't even close to playtesting yet, but they're done at least. Plus, I made a couple rules changes going through the classes that I think will make the game more fun and enjoyable. But, it took me a while to finish cuz I had to fight my own mind to get it done.
I know I'm not the only one who has self-doubt and self-destructive tendencies, but it gets so frustrating when your own mind is pushing back on stuff you want to get accomplished. I had a few weeks of thoughts like this: this is stupid, this is a waste of time, no one is gonna want to play this, why bother, let professionals design games and stay in your lane. It's like, thanks brain, whose side are you on anyway?
And, personally I've found that talking about these feelings while I'm having them doesn't do anything for me. While it's nice to hear others tell me that those doubts are wrong, being logical doesn't change them from happening. The best thing I've found -that works for me, your mileage may vary- is treating the voices like they're a toddler throwing a temper tantrum. Unless something physically violent starts happening (in this example, me trying to throw away/destroy my work), I just ignore them and don't give them any attention. It doesn't make them stop, but it does help me push through.
But now that's finished, I'll take a day or two off from thinking about it to let the creativity work behind the scenes. Today will be laundry, cleaning, and prepping for my work week (I work Sundays through Thursdays); and tomorrow after work, I'll go watch Sisu by myself (if you haven't seen the trailer, it looks great; besides, who doesn't want to see Nazis get totally fucked up?) and that should clear my clutter enough I can get back to working on it some more :)
