So I was watching Daybreak on Netflix the other day, and even though the main characters are teenagers, one of them said something that really hit me, cuz I've heard women my own age say it. The character basically said that she didn't want to necessarily be in a relationship, that maybe she wanted to be polyamorus or part of a thruple or maybe she didn't want any kind of relationship and she just wanted to fuck whomever she wanted whenever she wanted, and if she wanted to hang out with them afterwards or not it was her decision and that the last thing she wanted was to be tied down to one person.
I honestly feel this world is leaving me behind.
Like I said, it's not just the younger generation that seems to have this mindset, I've heard plenty of women my own age saying things like this. And this isn't one of those things where I want to run around and fuck whomever I want and I expect her to stay at home and wait for me; I honestly just want to be the only partner for someone and they be the only partner for me. But it seems that the only ones who feel the way I do are very religious, and not pagan. Look, to me if the only reason you want to be "tied down" to one partner is because the imaginary being you pray to demands it, that's not healthy either.
And a friend asked me if I had ever given those types of relationship any thought, and when I think about them I get this awful feeling inside: not the "I'm a little scared but I'm curious" feeling, the "this goes against everything I think is right for me" feeling. (Quick side note: I am not judging or condemning those who are in a thruple or polyamorus or anything like that, I am just saying that when it comes to myself, those things are "wrong" for me)
This same friend then said, "Well, you yourself have said that you can't be everything to your partner, that you expect them to have other friends and interests outside of you; why is this different?" (they're always playing devil's advocate with me, LOL)
The answer is, because for me sex is nearly sacred, something intimate. And remember, one of the reasons I had a vasectomy was so I wouldn't have to wear condoms again, which is why I only have sex with women I'm in a relationship with and we've had the talk and compared tests and whatnot. Finding one person you can trust whom you feel won't cheat on you and potentially give you something they picked up from somebody else is rare; believing that anybody they sleep with beside you is also going to be clean and not lie seems like a really dumb risk. I've never had a STD and I sure don't want one at this age (or any age, for that matter).
So yeah, I know that right now this is a non-issue, since we're all stuck at home and nobody is dating (at least, you shouldn't be). But it's still something that weighs on my mind, and those thoughts don't seem to be going away. The world is leaving me behind, and when my sons are grown and out of the house (they're almost 15 and 18, so those days aren't too far off), it'll just be me. By myself. Maybe that's the way it should be, I guess I'll just have to wait and see...
