Ever since I was a little kid, I always got what used to be called "the Christmas Blues" at this time of year. Without fail, from about November until March (roughly), I would be very depressed, no matter what. It didn't matter what was going in in my life, that's how I always was, which made celebrating the holidays and my birthday (Jan 14th) such a treat for other people (FYI, that was sarcasm). It wasn't until I got older that I found out I wasn't the only one, and that they have a name for it (which is in the blog title). Knowing others suffered as I did didn't make it go away, but it did make it less lonely.
Now as I've gotten older, I have found little things that I do that help at this time of year. I take a lot of vitamin D, since during the winter in the northern hemisphere you get less sunlight which means your body gets less serotonin. For most people, it isn't enough to affect them too badly, but for someone like me, it's awful. And no, I can't go outside more and soak in more sunlight, since I am a desert rat (born and raised here in LV) and the cold feels like what Hell would be like; it reminds me of the grave that I will one day inhabit (told you I'm a morose motherfucker this time of year).
But then you get stuff that's going on in the world and in my country, and it doesn't seem like anything is working this year. I have to say, I've never felt ashamed to be an American (I recognize we aren't the greatest country in the world, but I also know we aren't the worst), but lately with all the Muslim bashing, refugees being turned away, idiots like Trump, Cruz and Carson reveling in their racism, ignorance and bigotry; gun nuts who refuse to change anything as more and more people keep dying and getting killed; people more concerned with profits than changing their business model so we can help ensure this planet is inhabitable by future generations...it gets harder and harder to not be ashamed of the way that a lot of my "fellow Americans" act.
So, I'm trying, I really am. It's just that, on days like this, a part of me wonders if I should just lay down and give up (not in a suicidal way, though I've been there before); just stop fighting for others to wake up and change the way they act; just accept that my grandchildren and their children will probably hate my generation and my parents' generation for fucking the planet this badly, for voting in idiots who put other interests above the common good...I'm sorry, I'm not trying to bring anyone down. Just trying to explain why I haven't been quite as active on here as I used to be. Some days, it's just too much work to try and fake the smile. I hope everyone is doing well, and hope everyone has a great week.
