I joined SG many years ago. At first, believe it or not, it was part of a strategy for another side project I was working on. This initial reason morphed into something else. See, when I first joined, I was far from who I am today. I was pretty lost as an individual, and if I’m going to be completely honest, I was in the throes of depression and on antidepressants. I had just left a soul crushing job, was a new dad, unhappily married, wrestling with the challenges of living in an area that speaks a different language, etc.
So, this strategy of why I joined SG soon changed into a form of self-help, self-medication, self-awareness, self-something -- I don’t know what exactly. In many ways, I don’t think it was necessarily good for me, but I clung to it. I spent far too many nights on SG (no, not doing that, you sick twisted pervert – ok, maybe a little) going down many rabbit holes. I made acquaintances with people, but never anything extraordinarily substantial (other than an SG whom I do consider a friend).
In retrospect, I think I was searching for something within this community of misfit toys, but I don’t know what I was looking for. It could have been any number of things: friendship, acceptance, community, an escape. To this day I don’t know what I was searching for or even if I was searching at all, maybe it was all just a form of denial. All I know is that I was looking for something.
Since becoming a member, I’ve gone through many ups and downs personally, professionally, and emotionally. So, in addition to believing that we are destined to live out our lives searching for answers, I also will purport that life ain’t easy.
I’ve been a total mess on the site, but I also think that I’ve been a descent, normal human being with moderately weird eccentricities.
Anyway, the point is that SG had been there like a crutch. But, maybe seven years ago, I got off the antidepressants and have been clear minded ever since. And being well on the other side of depression and whatever else, in 2020/21 I was feeling like my time on SG was ready to end. I’m not sure if I’d outgrown it or it outgrew me.
Then I met @amoxi.
See, in September 2021 my major life transition began. Fast forward to January 2022, and I casually messaged Amoxi about being from Wisconsin like her. Sure, the first few exchanges were polite and laissez-faire, but that quickly changed as we actually started to get to know each other.
Almost from the start we’ve been like two peas in a pod – from the superficial to the more day-to-day aspects to things more to our cores.
Part soul mate; part endearing friend; part uniquely more; part inspiration to do more, to be more, to give more, to try more, whatever it is, she makes me want to be better, to do better, to try harder… I am aware of how cliché and cheesy this all sounds, but it is how I feel.
So, without going into too many personal details, let’s just say that my life in the last year has undergone a major transition – and I’m still trying to grip the ground beneath me as it moves rapidly forward.
As I said, four months into this life transition I met Amoxi, who has since been my constant; she is always there to support me, always there to listen, to make me laugh, to make me feel valid, to cheer me up, to offer advice, to just chat, to share daily life things, to have a glass of wine with, to give me something else to think about, etc.
That being said, I've been there for her in much the same way. I hope you know that: I'm always there for you.
She has awakened my soul, my spirit, me. She’s far too humble to take any credit for it, but she has certainly been the catalyst to my self-rediscovery. She’s right, what is emerging comes from within, it was always there, dormant, and it would have emerged without her, but not as quickly or readily.
This kind soul who accepted me with my baggage (I don’t think it was too heavy) also accepted me for me. I’ve never been this at ease to be me with a woman, with my quirks and “vulgar” sense of humor and all. Note: I’m not suggesting that she’s vulgar – she’s far from that, she just has a kindred sense of humor. She’s actually very elegant, although she scoffs at the suggestion. But then, in addition to being able to be myself, I can also be vulnerable and share intimate details about my life, how I feel, what I fear, etc., without any fear of judgement, and that, that right there equates to a relationship like I’ve never really experienced. Certainly, I have to some degree, but this just feels different.
This is so different, in fact, that @amoxi has unequivocally become my best friend in less than a year! I will paraphrase, but she really got me when she said something to the effect that life is too short to disregard descent people. There are many instances when she “got me,” but I think this was the first.
Since meeting her my life has become exponentially better. And although the life transition that I’m experiencing is one of life’s most challenging, I’m so extremely happy.
Thank you, Amoxi. Thank you for your kindness, your generosity, your ear, your words, your support, your elegance, humor, intelligence, your massive heart – but primarily, thank you for your friendship.
I can't imagine a day going forward without you in it.
Love,
Shawn
