shawna

Sometimes when I think about it, I know that people don't care for me as much as I care about them. That, because they can't feel for me as I do for them, that they don't care for me at all, and take my emotion for a fake. But I keep reaching out farther and farther, hoping to find someone who will let me be there for them when they need me, and who will be there for me when I need them. Someone who will love me without being in love with me. Someone who will see me for who I am. Someone who I can trust, and talk to, and who will know just what I want to hear.
Shanna is the only person like that, but lately, there are too many things I just can't talk to her about. I don't want to upset her, because she is more fragile than I will ever be. I feel so beastly sometimes. I always have to be so strong, when I'm just a butterfly. I just want to flitter, so take these weights off my shoulders.
I don't say 'I love you' arbitrarily. I only can say it when I mean it. I've never had to take my love back. No one understands how serious I take it.
I know most of my friends from this year I will never have again. They will forget me. They will move on. I will forget them. I will move on. And it will tear a little piece of my heart out to have them go. It will make me sad to know that I have not made a difference to them.