shaun0fthedead

My ex basically holds me up as being the perfect person for her to talk to, the one that she knows that no matter how bad things get, how horrible she feels, that when there's no one in the world that will listen to her, that she can come to me. Every guy she's dated since me, she's always used me as the one that she goes through for comfort because they do not offer it when she needs it most. We were a long distance couple when we were together, when we broke up she made the comment that she would never have another long distance relationship because they just don't work; and yet, here she is, having her second one since me. She lives in seattle, he lives on kansas or something, but she cares about him and that seems to be enough, even though she knows she's not in Love with him, she doesn't feel that strongly about him nor does she think she will for quite some time, if she does. Yet, the one person who is capable of giving her everything she wants, while also challenging her not only in life, but in intelligence, wisdom, and faith; is the one she doesn't appear to be interested in giving a second chance.

Part of me wonders that maybe all this time she's just been waiting for me to take the leap and come see her. To sacrifice things, including my extreme fear of flying, and make the trip out to see her, that perhaps that's all she needs to want to be with me again, to give me that second chance i've long dreamt of.

The other part of me wonders how bitterly pathetic that must seem to most people and why I can't acknowledge that perhaps things just won't ever come to pass in the way that I long for. Maybe it's that I don't want to admit it or maybe it's because i'm not supposed to.

I just wish that I could see the future sometimes, I suppose then i'd be able to make the right decisions.