Nearly every day I go to work, there's the "river lady" sitting on a milk crate by the turnaround on Glendale in Atwater. She looks like she's in her late 40's. Crooked teeth & messed up hair. Bright eyes behind coal black skin. Most days, she's just looking remorseful, staring at the ground. She's part of the homeless community that lives by the LA river, surviving off of recycling, the core of the homeless economy, as well as donations.
When I was unemployed, I always felt bad because I wanted to give her a dollar, but I couldn't. I have to be able to take care of myself first. Now that I'm working, I wasn't able to do anything for her for a while, but things are getting better. Seeing her always kept things in perspective for me. When times were tough, I saw that they were much tougher for others. I was afraid of losing my apartment.
Yesterday, there was a cop car ahead of me at the light. I don't know what they said to her, but she broke out in laughter. Her smile was beautifully uninhibited. I reached for my wallet to see if I could give her a buck. I look inside to see that I didn't have any singles. After a brief hesitation, I signal her to approach me and give her a ten dollar bill.
There's a brief surreal moment. "What am I doing?" Then I think, "If I had given her a dollar everytime I wanted to, I would have easily given her at least $10 over the last few months." I didn't even know how much money I had in my wallet, so how important could it have been to me? Ten bucks means a hell of a lot more to her than it does me.
She looks at the folded up bill and then back at me in disbelief. I smile and twist the throttle on my bike and head for the 5 freeway.
I know that this isn't going to enable her to get a job and an apartment, but she's suffering. If she will have food for a few days, even a beer, that's great. I also wonder if she thinks that despite the fact she has fallen though the cracks and that most people are unsympathetic, there are some caring people out there.
I know that my money might be better spent through an organization which helps the homeless, but not all the money would go to the cause despite the fact I could deduct it on my taxes. I also know that giving her the money is reinforcing dependency rather than enabling self empowerment.
If it reduces her suffering and brings us both a little happiness, is it really wrong? It doesn't feel wrong.
If I was reduced to begging on the street, would you help a brother out? Is it harder to help or look away?
When I was unemployed, I always felt bad because I wanted to give her a dollar, but I couldn't. I have to be able to take care of myself first. Now that I'm working, I wasn't able to do anything for her for a while, but things are getting better. Seeing her always kept things in perspective for me. When times were tough, I saw that they were much tougher for others. I was afraid of losing my apartment.
Yesterday, there was a cop car ahead of me at the light. I don't know what they said to her, but she broke out in laughter. Her smile was beautifully uninhibited. I reached for my wallet to see if I could give her a buck. I look inside to see that I didn't have any singles. After a brief hesitation, I signal her to approach me and give her a ten dollar bill.
There's a brief surreal moment. "What am I doing?" Then I think, "If I had given her a dollar everytime I wanted to, I would have easily given her at least $10 over the last few months." I didn't even know how much money I had in my wallet, so how important could it have been to me? Ten bucks means a hell of a lot more to her than it does me.
She looks at the folded up bill and then back at me in disbelief. I smile and twist the throttle on my bike and head for the 5 freeway.
I know that this isn't going to enable her to get a job and an apartment, but she's suffering. If she will have food for a few days, even a beer, that's great. I also wonder if she thinks that despite the fact she has fallen though the cracks and that most people are unsympathetic, there are some caring people out there.
I know that my money might be better spent through an organization which helps the homeless, but not all the money would go to the cause despite the fact I could deduct it on my taxes. I also know that giving her the money is reinforcing dependency rather than enabling self empowerment.
If it reduces her suffering and brings us both a little happiness, is it really wrong? It doesn't feel wrong.
If I was reduced to begging on the street, would you help a brother out? Is it harder to help or look away?
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but no, i really don't know what i did to my jaw. it was pretty random. started on wedneday, i think. was bad yesterday. felt ok this morning, and is fine now. who knows....
Hope it comes back to you ten-fold.