I hope that cousinkevin doesn't get too upset. I have a lot going on right now in my head and I need to get it out. But I already emailed him and don't feel like typing it all over again. So I rather just copy and paste. Don't be made Kevin:
irst things first, my roommate and his fucking
surround sound. Every fucking night I have to listen
to it and he gets all retarded because Michael and I
go to bed early, not really early because we wake up
at least an hour before he does as to not to impede
his taking a shower and such. But that's just a side
note. I like the guy, his my at home gay friend, but
if I want to remain friends with him, we have to move!
The biggest thing that I am having a problem with
right now is my choice to go to school. It cost a
whooping $40,000+, but there aren't any scholarships
through the school and the stafford loans cover all
but $7,000. So I applied for a signature loan, more
than what was needed the first year, and was accepted
for the amount I asked for. I asked for so much for a
few reasons, film cost, books, and the what if my car
breaks down on me. It's older and starting to have
some kinks. I don't want to buy a new one, I just want
this one to last until I'm close to cutting out the
bottom and running like Fred Flinstone. But I called
the finanical aid officer and he was like, we can only
approve the need, which is like 3,000 out of the 7,500
I asked for. I was honest and said, I need money for
books, gas, other materials, etc. He spoke to the
superior and said I needed to send an email. I did, a
nicely written email, citing my reasons and examples
of cost of attendance, including books, gas, etc. He
wrote me back and told me to say I needed it for rent
too and not to be too technical, so I copied the
email, minus the word attachment, and added, for rent
too. I haven't heard anything and that was Friday.
I'm mulling with the idea to decline school, either
for now or forever, in order to wait a bit, get
settled with another place and start slamming my
payments on my credit card. I would then ask for a
personal loan, up to whatever I could ask, hopefully
somewhere around $10,000-$15,000 and buy some
equpiment. A digital DV cam, editing bay, lighting,
tripod, mic, whatever is needed to pimp myself to do
weddings, a bit of commericals, and some freelance
work. Even if it would only pay the bill on the loan.
So I can get experience. Eventually and probably
making porno movies along the way ;0), not of myself
of course but others.
But I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I
moved down here mostly for school but quickened the
pace because of Michael. I wanted to go to graduate
school but this school is leaving a bad taste in my
mouth. I'm caught between wanting experience and
wanting a further education. I sometimes salivate at
my friends who have made family choices, getting
married or having kids, but then I get real and
remember I want something else. I just don't know how
to get there. What makes it worse is that I had two
chances in my life to make my career go. Once, at
school, I was offered a position at a local tv station
doing camera work in studio for the news show, low pay
but more than a deskworker, and I declined it because
I wanted to go home for breaks. The other time, I
declined a position at a place I was interning at over
the summer, even though I knew they lost over half of
their creative staff to them opening their own
production company, because I was suppose to graduate
over the summer and not be in Monroe. But I stayed an
extra year to get a double major.
HELP!
irst things first, my roommate and his fucking
surround sound. Every fucking night I have to listen
to it and he gets all retarded because Michael and I
go to bed early, not really early because we wake up
at least an hour before he does as to not to impede
his taking a shower and such. But that's just a side
note. I like the guy, his my at home gay friend, but
if I want to remain friends with him, we have to move!
The biggest thing that I am having a problem with
right now is my choice to go to school. It cost a
whooping $40,000+, but there aren't any scholarships
through the school and the stafford loans cover all
but $7,000. So I applied for a signature loan, more
than what was needed the first year, and was accepted
for the amount I asked for. I asked for so much for a
few reasons, film cost, books, and the what if my car
breaks down on me. It's older and starting to have
some kinks. I don't want to buy a new one, I just want
this one to last until I'm close to cutting out the
bottom and running like Fred Flinstone. But I called
the finanical aid officer and he was like, we can only
approve the need, which is like 3,000 out of the 7,500
I asked for. I was honest and said, I need money for
books, gas, other materials, etc. He spoke to the
superior and said I needed to send an email. I did, a
nicely written email, citing my reasons and examples
of cost of attendance, including books, gas, etc. He
wrote me back and told me to say I needed it for rent
too and not to be too technical, so I copied the
email, minus the word attachment, and added, for rent
too. I haven't heard anything and that was Friday.
I'm mulling with the idea to decline school, either
for now or forever, in order to wait a bit, get
settled with another place and start slamming my
payments on my credit card. I would then ask for a
personal loan, up to whatever I could ask, hopefully
somewhere around $10,000-$15,000 and buy some
equpiment. A digital DV cam, editing bay, lighting,
tripod, mic, whatever is needed to pimp myself to do
weddings, a bit of commericals, and some freelance
work. Even if it would only pay the bill on the loan.
So I can get experience. Eventually and probably
making porno movies along the way ;0), not of myself
of course but others.
But I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I
moved down here mostly for school but quickened the
pace because of Michael. I wanted to go to graduate
school but this school is leaving a bad taste in my
mouth. I'm caught between wanting experience and
wanting a further education. I sometimes salivate at
my friends who have made family choices, getting
married or having kids, but then I get real and
remember I want something else. I just don't know how
to get there. What makes it worse is that I had two
chances in my life to make my career go. Once, at
school, I was offered a position at a local tv station
doing camera work in studio for the news show, low pay
but more than a deskworker, and I declined it because
I wanted to go home for breaks. The other time, I
declined a position at a place I was interning at over
the summer, even though I knew they lost over half of
their creative staff to them opening their own
production company, because I was suppose to graduate
over the summer and not be in Monroe. But I stayed an
extra year to get a double major.
HELP!
Which would be worse to you? Taking on a HUGE loan, working where you work now, going to school, signing up for another few years of hard work, graduate, and try to find work and make money. ( because, lets face it, we both chose fields that are not at all guaranteed, your direction being way more difficult). Or post-pone school, with the risk of never going back for whatever reason, trying to slam down credit cards and work where you work now, take out a less substantial, but equally as terrifying, loan, and try to do some work to either go back to school or hopefully get steady jobs and make a living?
as for whatever was in the past, it really doesnt make a difference now. you really dont know if you missed you chance then at a good oppurtunity or just a bunch of bullshit. no use allowing the unknown affect your decision.
i'm off work right now. think i'll go have a piece of bread.
Thanks for your concern over my legal fiasco...if only i had MJ's lawyers.