shaneka

So what am I doing up alone? Thinking way too much...

So, what's the scoop? Last night I finished watching the INcreadibles with Terry. Earlier MIchael and I went to this place called the Moonlight Diner to eat, it's our favorite little dive not to mention there is a girl there named Jamie that I really adore, her butt nonetheless.. When we got home, he didn't want to hang out with Terry and me while watching a movie. Instead he pouted in the room. Terry and I got a little stoned and MIchael was nice enough to make the shrimp chips..

Tonight. Well, Michael had the entire day off. He got some of his personal stuff done. He made dinner and I tried to engage him in some activities . I thought that the brief enterlude of fun this morning could have been stretch out to this evening. REJECTED. Not even making out. I don't know. And I'm here thinking.

Saturday past, we went out to the gay bars. I should say UH gay bar. We were all already drinking before we went, shoots of tequilia and poppers for me and terry , michael had a beer and some gin and poppers... we got to the bar and ordered tequlia round and beer for M and T and me had Schmirnoff Ice with some Burgundy crap or something or another. Well about 20 minutes, if even, MIchael told terry that we should take his gf home because I was cramping his style. Er, um.. I wasn't even worried about his style. I don't care. I like to see cute boys kiss sometimes. Besides I wasn't even talking to him. Terry pulled me outside for a smoke(him) while I brewed. We took michael with us to play darts and he excused himself to potty. Never to return for what seemed like an hour. By this time I was drunkish so time lapses in a weird way you know. HOwever, he finally came back. A button dishelved and retarded saying we left him. We took him home and went back out. I was still pissed.. Stilll pissed me came home to a throw up smattered Michael and cleaned his ass up before going to bed. The morning brought a lot of crying (Me) because I've never been so disrespected in all of my life. A bit of me was like, I moved here to be with you for the most part and you talk to me like I'm some trick on the street.

I'd like to say that his appologizing worked. But I'm such a bitter person. My feelings are still hurt. I don't know how to feel. I mean I don't want to hold things agaisnt him because I love being with him.

Wensly gave me my money from the insurance. I'm not certain what I am to do.. If i may wait for the laptop or go ahead and find one within the budget. Who knows. I'm still thinking about it. I haven't officially broken up with him, officially meaning I haven't told him. I feel like such a prick for letting it get this far. He's a really super awesome person. But I don't know how to let him go. I want to remain friends but that's selfish. Gen told me to tell him that he should be know I can't be alone and that I have michael for the time being. Which would work if I really thought that I wanted to be with W, but I don't. I want to be with Michael.

We are suppose to go eat out tomorrow night. Sushi. It suppose to be our valentines late day for the fact that we didn't go out on valentines day. the guys at work were asking me what did my boyfriend and i do, and why didn't he do this.. All I can do is shrug. Sometimes I guess it's not about that. But then, I like to be treated like a special lady.

I'm ranting. Which is always the case with these blogs.