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shadydame

Canada

Member Since 2004

Followers 11 Following 21

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Sunday Jan 01, 2006

Jan 1, 2006
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Oh man, it's 2006 & I dunno what's in store for me this year! I guess no one does really, but I'm kinda freaking out a bit lately.
I've been thinking about my stupid ex a lot & altho there would be no point in us getting back together (AGAIN) cuz I will never EVER trust him EVER, I still miss him.
It sucks cuz I should hate his deceitful lying ass SO much! But I don't.
It makes me NUTS that he's able to move on so easily & I'm still upset! He has had WAY more practice than me tho. He's been running away from shit his whole life.
I realized that I'm just as scared as he is about relationships, so I want one with him cuz he won't give it to me.
We are never going to learn our lessons from eachother, cuz we both have the same problem in paralell forms. It's crazy when you know what your lame deal is & you still find it hard to change!
I went from never caring if I was with someone or not, to being totally co-dependant. Which for me, is FUCKED! Everyone I know was like, "who are you?"
It's the weirdest feeling for me to miss being a part of a couple! It's the first time I've ever experienced it. I HATE IT!!!!
Now I gotta find the part of me that is completely self-sufficient & I'm scared.
I used to know her & I know she's still in here somewhere... It's just so scary when you come out of the safety of someone else's existance & have to make it on your own again!
I have to find a new dream... No more breaking his band & playing Sharon & Ozzy!!!
I'm going to become a top makeup artist & have my own makeup line now! I also have to bust my way on to the burlesque scene & take on the world of modeling!
It's nice that I can focus on me & me alone now, but strange & uncomfortable at the same time.
I want someone to lean on! He was never very good at picking you up when you fall, so I definitely need someone better at that!
I need to find someone who wants to give me everything they got & deal with it, instead of getting turned off & running away.
I always date people who "don't like being with one person." They try it with me cuz I "convert" them, but it never works out. For obvious reasons...
I have to get psyched about my new found freedom!!!
It will be sweet when we meet out in the world & I've got my shit going!
It will be even better when I don't care whether he regrets giving me up!!!!!
Apparently 2006 is going to RAWK!
ARRR!!! skull
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
miserysignal:
haha will do
im gonna go to taste of chaos for sure but thats a long time away yet
i wanted to go see comeback kid but nopeee
im really not sure who im gonna see next
Jan 8, 2006
flatblakcadillac:
gimme some moooooooooney.
Jan 11, 2006

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