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shadowbard

Lost At Sea

Member Since 2011

Followers 143 Following 648

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My life Slipping by

Jul 31, 2015
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I am in a strange place in my life right now, trying to figure some shit out. I am a caretaker; my spouse has Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and as the decease worsens I become more and more isolated because my life revolves around her and her needs. We have lived with MS for 15 years and it is finally taking a toll on every aspect of our lives.

She just went through a bad spell and spent 2.5 weeks in the hospital. Now she is confined to a wheelchair and will probably never walk again. As her condition has worsened, we have ceased to be husband and wife; I am now a caretaker and she, now fully disabled is often too tired and withdrawn to even hold a conversation, let alone be intimate. We haven't had sex in over a year, and being an affectionate, emotional man, I am increasingly lonely, and starving for even the simplest human touch.

It is all fucking with my head, heart and soul...I am too young to stop being a sexual being! I want to start living again, but I feel so guilty for wanting more than I have when my spouse is trapped inside her body, wants more, but can't have it! Fuck, I feels as though the Universe hates me and has all my life!

VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
tonni003z:
see if your are able to get some help in caring for her. an aide that can give you the time to step out of the roll of caretaker. try to reach out to family or other services in your area. we lost our mom in april. 3 of us were taking care of her. at the end of the day we were beat. i don't know where you are getting the strength to do by yourself. 
Aug 5, 2015
shadowbard:
@tonni003z Thank you for the comment and kind words.  Unfortunately we are a bit isolated.  She is improving bit-by-bit, and this too shall pass. I am a worn and wery, but, at least I am still fit enough to work and take care of her. #MyLotInLife
Aug 6, 2015

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