sgt_shaw

hi. sorry i was away. i ummmmmmmmmm fell in a ptsd fucking hole. bad. like no one understands that when i say it but yeah. it was bad. bad bad bad. but now i'm on the way up (as long as my abusive ex remains out of sight and anything that reminds me of him and well...) eh. i'm trying to be optimistic. haven't been to therapy in weeks. i chose the wrong week to stop sniffing glue...oh wait that's a line from Airplane. i mean i chose the wrong time of year to switch therapists.

so canada? wow. that's awesome. i want to live in canada so badly. but i think that's cause i'm a little bit queer. i couldn't be patriotic if i tried. but i totally respect it because it's something so beyond me.

it's good to be in an optimistic space about the move. are you sure you're in a good space to go back into the thick of things though? are you talking about going back to combat or just being an analyst? cause the ptsd is a bitch whore bastard and it can catch you i hate to say. (i should know...my long descent all centered around trying to be like "okay...i can go to a club and if he's there i can stay. i'm strong enough...so an hour later i can barely walk or stand up or breathe and i'm being half carried out the door. oops. not ready. even after two doses of ativan) you need to be VERY sure and VERY centered that you have properly and adequately dealt with those things or else you're just going to be dwelling seventh layer of hell style like me.

but what do i know i'm just crazy...
i hope everything goes well for you and the move goes nicely and you get to see friends and family and get all these things squared away and started anew. it's great to have such an opportunity to start over.

big big big supportive hugs.

and yeah i'm really sorry. i'm trying my darndest to stay this side of the shame spiral and this side of the hospital doors. here's hoping