STRIP CLUBS
you know, I do kind of have a latest interest. If by you mean latest you mean year, year and a half. Its strip clubs. But I always kinda feel weird thier because I KNOW that the reasons I go there are not the reasons most people go.
Let me explain, starting with myself and moving out from there....
K, so number one and probably the reason most sex workers could I ID'fy with....I's gots a thing and I dont know how to approach it.....so I am willing to spends lots of money pretending I understand it. If youve worked the biz then you know what/who Im talking about.....
But my thing is very different from most customers things. You see it comes in two shades. #1... Im borderline asexual.... to expain THAT let me say this. Suppose that you are a ship floating in a vast sea(society) of sexuality....and so you kind of have a direction, you know very intimately what everybody else does/wants to do/whatever.... but you got no gas.
I dont know strange metaphor but whatever, Its the best I can do w/o resorting to cultural cliches. But basically if you are a social person you wanna be like the "rest of the fishermen/women". That is a basic human drive that has little and everything to do with human sexuality...but I digress what I mean to say is that I have met a lot of ppl, well if you define a lot as being 6 but for the asexual community that IS a freakin lot, who ID similar to what I do and I ID as borderline b/c Ive straightened out some parts of me and come to a happy medium comparitivly....
Lol, and that TOO needs some quick explination; lol. k, so its kinda like this; check out the the asexuality website(it should come up as the first . org on any search browser).if you dont believe me. Asexuals are one of the smallest sexual minorities and one of the most complex and heres is why. This is overly simplistic but it gives a good overview..... some are asexuals becuase of psychological reasons. It doesnt matter what but something so turned them off from sex that they are psycholigically REPULSED by ANYTHING to do w/the subject matter; Some find it as an orientation, e.g. I am asexual because I lack any attraction to either sex and/or sex itself but still enjoy sex(biologically) with a willing partner. Some are asexual in the sense of it being a drive(e.g. that I am still interested in a relatioship because I still get lonely and want my emotional/intelectual/physical/spiritual needs satisfied BUT I am willing to settle ot absolutetly do not want, sex as being part of said relationship. Then there are those I have met the most of...what for this one folks because it kinda will blow you away if you really understand what Im talking about. Those are those that lack something that most people have; that sense of, I dont even know how to describe but having met some people who didnt have it makes it clear in my mind(guess that the only way to REALLY know) but anywho, that that insecurity that we(non-asexuals I mean) appear to be born with. The whole need for companship, friends, lovers, great works, etc...something that screams I am not alone in the universe. Yeah.....Ive actually met ppl who in a certain sense lack that self preception; let me just say WOW; I have less of that, far less then most ppl I think....but I still have that. To be somebody who lacks that basic social need; who truly feels complete as and by themselves...wow, wow, wow. It is a relatively unique thing and it is wonderful, surprising, exciting, and scary at the same time....
But me and my borderline aseuality.....for me that means...I can perform, yes. I feel the social pressures to., biologically it feels good. But I have no basic interest in and as of itself. Its just not there, and trust me I HAVE looked. But the fact there is any interest at all makes me borderline. I just think Im interested for diff. reasons. Lets put it this way...when you are different in some way that seperates you from 99% of the human speicies including your firendsyouu become interested, almost obsessed with that on two different levels(and now I speak not only of myself but friends, ex and currentt GFs, strangers, etc) The first is the drive to bee normal; to want to be sperate from everybody else is not a human(or should I was western?) universal; its the exact opposite in fact from my experiences. Ppl who desSo cover they are truly differnt become scard frightened and obsessed w/the quest for normalcy. They tend to "overdo" things; hence the old stereotype of the guy who tries too hard to be homophobic, really being gay....theres more then a grain of truth in that for some overtly homphobic people.
But anywho that takes me back to the strip clubs.....I go there and stare at naked women(until I become too bored normally 3 minutes to 5 mnutes max) because I want to see a pair of breasts and be sexually attracted to them. Instead I think about tomorrows essay.... I watch the girls move on the stage and watch the customers because Im jealous in a certain extant, millions of guys(and probably thousands of women) go to these clubs nationwide and get something out of it that is woth them, the customers I mean spending (objectivly) ridiculous amounts of money. So I go there to try to be normal.
Number two reason is t what I study; even at the UG level, studying gender/human sexuality is risky, its damn lonely, and damn isolating. I really mean it too; they dont call it taboo for nothing. HAHA suddenly I find a reeason for spending the amt of money I sometimes do; their is somebody working in the same field I ?havee?/?will? work in... Yeah I will spend 80,, 100, 120, 200 $ a night just to talk, even indirectly, to somebody who knows somewhat about the things that have mad me feell quasi-isolated from the rest of humanity..like my normal #1 ? for a girl who sits around and talks to me(if Ive made it clear or at last tried to that no dance will b purchasd that night...etc.) is generally(after an intro in which I try directly or indirectly to explian my interests/reasons for being there) What is the weirdest fetish you have had to deal with?(for me its the blood fetishists if you want to know; I come from...erm am studying in the city that has been called the "belt buckle of the bible belt; so that means people dont talk about, they just get overwhelmed/excited and act...follow the logic here and understand why the eaprox 4 blood fetishiest rate weirdest of all..........PPL dont talk, they just do, hoping thier partner will accept HINT, HINT
lol, sleepy time now for me will finish this when I can......
you know, I do kind of have a latest interest. If by you mean latest you mean year, year and a half. Its strip clubs. But I always kinda feel weird thier because I KNOW that the reasons I go there are not the reasons most people go.
Let me explain, starting with myself and moving out from there....
K, so number one and probably the reason most sex workers could I ID'fy with....I's gots a thing and I dont know how to approach it.....so I am willing to spends lots of money pretending I understand it. If youve worked the biz then you know what/who Im talking about.....
But my thing is very different from most customers things. You see it comes in two shades. #1... Im borderline asexual.... to expain THAT let me say this. Suppose that you are a ship floating in a vast sea(society) of sexuality....and so you kind of have a direction, you know very intimately what everybody else does/wants to do/whatever.... but you got no gas.
I dont know strange metaphor but whatever, Its the best I can do w/o resorting to cultural cliches. But basically if you are a social person you wanna be like the "rest of the fishermen/women". That is a basic human drive that has little and everything to do with human sexuality...but I digress what I mean to say is that I have met a lot of ppl, well if you define a lot as being 6 but for the asexual community that IS a freakin lot, who ID similar to what I do and I ID as borderline b/c Ive straightened out some parts of me and come to a happy medium comparitivly....
Lol, and that TOO needs some quick explination; lol. k, so its kinda like this; check out the the asexuality website(it should come up as the first . org on any search browser).if you dont believe me. Asexuals are one of the smallest sexual minorities and one of the most complex and heres is why. This is overly simplistic but it gives a good overview..... some are asexuals becuase of psychological reasons. It doesnt matter what but something so turned them off from sex that they are psycholigically REPULSED by ANYTHING to do w/the subject matter; Some find it as an orientation, e.g. I am asexual because I lack any attraction to either sex and/or sex itself but still enjoy sex(biologically) with a willing partner. Some are asexual in the sense of it being a drive(e.g. that I am still interested in a relatioship because I still get lonely and want my emotional/intelectual/physical/spiritual needs satisfied BUT I am willing to settle ot absolutetly do not want, sex as being part of said relationship. Then there are those I have met the most of...what for this one folks because it kinda will blow you away if you really understand what Im talking about. Those are those that lack something that most people have; that sense of, I dont even know how to describe but having met some people who didnt have it makes it clear in my mind(guess that the only way to REALLY know) but anywho, that that insecurity that we(non-asexuals I mean) appear to be born with. The whole need for companship, friends, lovers, great works, etc...something that screams I am not alone in the universe. Yeah.....Ive actually met ppl who in a certain sense lack that self preception; let me just say WOW; I have less of that, far less then most ppl I think....but I still have that. To be somebody who lacks that basic social need; who truly feels complete as and by themselves...wow, wow, wow. It is a relatively unique thing and it is wonderful, surprising, exciting, and scary at the same time....
But me and my borderline aseuality.....for me that means...I can perform, yes. I feel the social pressures to., biologically it feels good. But I have no basic interest in and as of itself. Its just not there, and trust me I HAVE looked. But the fact there is any interest at all makes me borderline. I just think Im interested for diff. reasons. Lets put it this way...when you are different in some way that seperates you from 99% of the human speicies including your firendsyouu become interested, almost obsessed with that on two different levels(and now I speak not only of myself but friends, ex and currentt GFs, strangers, etc) The first is the drive to bee normal; to want to be sperate from everybody else is not a human(or should I was western?) universal; its the exact opposite in fact from my experiences. Ppl who desSo cover they are truly differnt become scard frightened and obsessed w/the quest for normalcy. They tend to "overdo" things; hence the old stereotype of the guy who tries too hard to be homophobic, really being gay....theres more then a grain of truth in that for some overtly homphobic people.
But anywho that takes me back to the strip clubs.....I go there and stare at naked women(until I become too bored normally 3 minutes to 5 mnutes max) because I want to see a pair of breasts and be sexually attracted to them. Instead I think about tomorrows essay.... I watch the girls move on the stage and watch the customers because Im jealous in a certain extant, millions of guys(and probably thousands of women) go to these clubs nationwide and get something out of it that is woth them, the customers I mean spending (objectivly) ridiculous amounts of money. So I go there to try to be normal.
Number two reason is t what I study; even at the UG level, studying gender/human sexuality is risky, its damn lonely, and damn isolating. I really mean it too; they dont call it taboo for nothing. HAHA suddenly I find a reeason for spending the amt of money I sometimes do; their is somebody working in the same field I ?havee?/?will? work in... Yeah I will spend 80,, 100, 120, 200 $ a night just to talk, even indirectly, to somebody who knows somewhat about the things that have mad me feell quasi-isolated from the rest of humanity..like my normal #1 ? for a girl who sits around and talks to me(if Ive made it clear or at last tried to that no dance will b purchasd that night...etc.) is generally(after an intro in which I try directly or indirectly to explian my interests/reasons for being there) What is the weirdest fetish you have had to deal with?(for me its the blood fetishists if you want to know; I come from...erm am studying in the city that has been called the "belt buckle of the bible belt; so that means people dont talk about, they just get overwhelmed/excited and act...follow the logic here and understand why the eaprox 4 blood fetishiest rate weirdest of all..........PPL dont talk, they just do, hoping thier partner will accept HINT, HINT
lol, sleepy time now for me will finish this when I can......
okay some other reasons. ITS CHEAP AS HELL(my bar bill is normally 60+dollars other places; there its about 20$ to get completely wasted...really, really cheap at a lot of strip clubs if you know where to go and what to order which means I can "afford" to be a good tipper all night long and not feel guilty. :-P cause Im actually saving money by giving it to ppl who are entertainers)
Other reasons....most are open from betwenn 11am or 2pm to close and 7 days a week. So when I feel like going out they are actually there WHENEVER I DONT WANT To BE IN MY DORM ROOM.
And ive got other reasons too just got create a new blog now.