vulnerability is not weakness-emotional risk, exposure, uncertainty. Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage. To create something that has never existed before-that's vulnerability. Adaptability to change is all about vulnerability.
Walk through and find your way around the 'swamp of shame', not to build a home there. This reminds me of a comment somoene had made during a GA meeting, "You got to walk through all the shit first, before you can get to the next level." This is actually something I have embraced and accepted. You know what though, many times throughout the day, I think "man, I'm never going to get through this," but what is actually true is that my journey through this hell, is actually happening right now. Its sort of like I am walking through all this shit that is called 'the past', I'm being given weapons to fight and get through. It's that I don't have much support and I allow this to slow my progress. It's not as if I'm about to begin the journey, I'm actually going through it right now.
Shame is I am a mistake, guilt is I made a mistake. How does shame affect me in regards to addictions? I've seen two of these TED videos now, and I'm afraid to say that I still don't think I fully understand the whole concept of shame, or at least, how it affects me. Brene brings up a Theodore Roosevelt quote:
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.
When I first heard this, I said "hmm, okay, makes sense" but after only five minutes when the video was over, something clicked.....I am standing outside the arena, I keep telling myself "oh, when I lose weight, then I'll go for the job interview or "when I lose weight, then I'll ask this girl out", is this what shame is? I am supposed to go to the beach. I'm scared to death to go because I know I will encounter lots of criticism, "Why do you have no money" "Why are you not going to the gym," etc etc. I don't want to be seen...by NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!! I suppose this is what shame is, not wanting to be seen by anyone because I do not feel worthy.
Empathy is the anecdote to shame. If we are going to find out way back to each other, vulnerability is going to be that path. It's seductive to sit outside the arena when I am bulletproof and perfect, but truth is, that never happens. This makes absolutely no sense to me, or at least, I cannot identify with it because I feel that I do have lots of empathy...but who has empathy for me?
I feel that after watching this video, there is one important thing I learned, which is that I cannot make any progress for a better future until I learn to accept my flaws and not be afraid to be seen. And its like.....oh fucking hell, this is going to take a while.