sertraline

Hello, my name is sertraline, I am a compulsive gambler and I placed my last bet on February 4, 2016. This past week has been full of emptiness, laziness, and hatred. The desire to gamble was certainly not what it was last week, although I have no idea why I'm doing this. I feel that this experiment of not gambling has failed. Nothing is better, it is in fact worse. I did manage to go to the gym last Friday night, but it's absolutely ridiculous that I have not gone since. I seem to have made it a habit of viewing myself going the next morning, and when the time arrives, I'm either lazy or busy going to the bathroom to where I am afraid to go. About that, I also completely forgot to do the activity thing. Hopefully, I can do this for next week. I also thought I would find fifty job opportunities and therefore made a goal, to submit ten applications. I didn't. I sent one for the position I mentioned, but when I looked at other opportunities, they either wanted a female, or someone who had graduated from a tourist industry school, or required a language that I did not know. I guess this will not be easy at all, but while my whole week has been full of self-hatred and doubt and misery, one thing I am beyond determined is to be employed on some island this summer. I don't care what I do, I just want to get out of here. So, I suppose now I've revealed my only feeling for the past week, self hate. I did not anticipate on this happening as a result of four complete weeks with no gambling. I thought I would feel confident. Instead, I've gained weight, lost motivation, and gained an enormous amount of self hate. No, I definitely acknowledge I have things I like about myself, but I hate HATE want to die type hate myself, right now. Maybe I should just say, fuck it, and go online and start betting. At least I'll have some fun for a couple hours rather than sitting here being miserable. It's been a constant feeling of "If the world operates this way, that's fine, but I just don't belong here". I'm losing the war.