On countless occasions, this place feels like hell. Constant screaming, hypocrisy, horsing around, and there ain't a damn thing I can do about it or whine about it because the fact is, this is much better than doing military time in Greece. I still haven't been paid and I don't think I will get paid until March because I am leaving for Greece next week and when I return, I will leave for another 'section' and won't be back until mid Feb for training. Many times, I find myself wanting to cry, but most times I'm just numb and every day I think about New Jersey and if I made the right decision. I always conclude that yes I did make the right decision because I believe I'd be dead, plain and simple. Only the fact that I knew I'd go to see my family is what kept me from gambling and trying suicide again. Why do I feel like I want to end up back there? On paper, I don't belong there, I have no one to go to there and nothing. I have no one to talk to, no one to associate with, and all in all, I'm whining again.
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