sertraline

So yea, having multiple family members stick their fingers in your life is frustrating and overwhelming because it means that I fucked up my life and whenever I view myself as being in that situation, I feel suicidal cause I don't care. However, I'll take that over living in an empty apartment wishing that I had money to go out and do something any day of the week. Thats what I was thinking about yesterday, how I went and got all this help/tretment but that it may have been too late. Thing with that whole phase of my life was that by the time I realized I had a problem and wanted to at least make attempts to fix it (referring to my socializing skills) it was payday and I would always end up blowing my money on that rather than go to a bar or some other type of event or socializing thing, and then the whole suicidal/depression feelings would start all over and I'd be back in the same rut. Thats what was most awesome about my stay at the beach. I went out every night and didn't feel saddened or pressured by the whole friends/not getting laid thing. I was just myself and happy with myself. I didn't feel the need that I had to do something or else. Now I'm back home and just itching to get a job. I'm not going out at all because I don't feel the need to. I have come to the conclusion that I haven't found one person that I can really identify with and well, I know it's a problem or will be a problem if I don't address it but I just want to work on me first, and I'm continuing to read one day at a time and it's pithy wisdom and I feel much better day by day in regards to finding out whats wrong with me and all. But I still feel depressed many times throughout the day and it's just annoying more than anything that I still feel that way about life sometimes.