sertraline

Well, I think my last post is indicative of how something's a brewin inside of me, and when somethings a'brewin inside of me, I usually do something I'll regret, so hopefully I can sort it out here and avoid doing something I'll regret. I sent an message to the lesbian chic, I had this whole email typed out about how I was in a 'blind' sate of mind and how sorry I was, but I never sent it to her. I just sent her this short message about how I hadn't spoken to her in a while and asked how she was doing. Kinda not like me to be all dramatic, but I just figured being 'dramatic' even in a positive way was not worth it and since I recognize that I don't need to be dramatic, I wasn't. I'm going to be dramatic here all I want to, that's why I rejoined. I've become increasingly frustrated with the weight loss that I think I'm burnt out. Right now, I'm hovering somewhere around 98kg, but I did get the scale down to 96, all is not lost and I know I'm making a big deal out of nothing. The gym is closed tomorrow and Sunday so i am a bit nervous about gaining, I'm going to try and go to the soccer fields and walk but I don't sweat so much there which is weird. When I go to the gym I guess I walk faster/harder? Yesterdays reading from one day at a time mentioned doing a 'ledger' of debits and credits, making your character defects and things that make you miserable debits and positive things credits. I will do this cause I think it's a freakin great idea, but I was just too overwhelmed to even start anything. I didn't do today's reading yet. It's like 5am right now and I was outside smoking and heard these guys talking greek and I just had this feeling of thank god I'm in Greece and I'm excited to be here. I ain't gonna lie, yesterday I had this feeling of confidence. I know I'm bitching about my weight loss, but I can't deny the fact that I look thinner. You know, I don't know what I'm supposed to define as 'success' with this other than when the belly is gone. I probably have success right now but I'm not feeling it. Is it a woman? If I get a decent looking woman, is that successful? Lately, I've been having these feelings of "I don't even want a woman". Sunday, I'll be approaching two weeks without a bet, honestly, I haven't really felt the desire to a whole lot, but I have felt it a couple of times especially when I've been bored out of my mind. I just hope I"m not giving up and can continue to keep updating on here...