ok, well, I've determined that my desire to stop smoking is not strong enough. Meaning in the morning that is, and I just so happen to believe that once you start your day off with a cig, it just means that you'll keep doing it. I think the only way to go is cold turkey, I just can't imagine myself gradually cutting it down. So I'm going to do something perhaps a bit corny, but I'm going to document every hour here and see just how big my desire is to cut this shit out....
hour 1) woke ujp approx 9:45, peed, made ham/cheese sand, drank water, smoked...ugh it felt great though but disappointed, do I not want to end this misery? Smoking=depression..I think for eighteen years I"ve been depressed..whatev, now I'm going to play some poker and waste some time and see...my thoughts right now are actually on a woman, a blonde chic who works at a mini-bakery cafe store..she's hawt
I think it would be a huge bonus if I made it to the gym before twelve...but just a bonus if I went at all today
hour2) still playing poker, I'm so not good at this game lol but its keeping me occupied. It's 11am now, perhaps 30 mins after smoking? 11:30, just got out of the shower, I smoked before, and prolly gonna light one up now, three cigs in 1:45, not too good a track record I suppose, but by now I'd be on my fifth. I think I should make my goal to make the pack last the entire day, lets say by 11pm, I think there's like fifteen in there now? I wanted to make the goal 0 a day, but I think I need to be realistic. Its frustrating cause I know it's all psychological. so, now, gym...I got my shorts on, will I make it? Lets find out.....
hour 3) I went to the gym, for 50 mins
hour4) I also did not take any cigs with me so my last one was at somewhere before 11:30..not particularly craving one but I'm sure I'll light one up cause I'm a schmuck..tiime to weigh in..I think last tiime I looked about a day ago, I was just below 103kg...I fucked it up last night, went all crazy so I'll be happy if its 102...k, results, I weighed 100.1!! wow, I didn't weigh myself in the morning but I just didn't imagine me being 102...I usually lose 2kgs when I go to the gym..so I drank 3 glasses of cold water, ate some gyro and now am at 101.5, freakin awesome! but I smoked two cigs this hour so need to take it easy. I want to nap so bad but napping is bad, I want to make it through the day without napping in hopes of sleeping during the night.
hour5) it's around 1:50 and I'm playing facebook poker again..you know what I did to trick myself into going to the gym? I said, just play five songs and that will take up at least 30 mins...smoke..its 2:01 and i regret it, I didn't enjoy it one bit..grr..whatev, I'[m taking a nap...
hour6) nap didn't last long, only half an hour, smoked played poker, now it's 3:30, smoked again, i got like fifteen cigs left. I'm setting the time now for those to last to 12am. You know, it would be a huge psychological mind boost to get the scale to say 98 kgs, I mean, I burned myself out with the gym stuff, I was going day and night and got the scale to read 99.8, if I take it easy with the food tonight, and go to the gym, I should be set up for tomorrow to get down to 99 or 98. something...we'll see.
hour 1) woke ujp approx 9:45, peed, made ham/cheese sand, drank water, smoked...ugh it felt great though but disappointed, do I not want to end this misery? Smoking=depression..I think for eighteen years I"ve been depressed..whatev, now I'm going to play some poker and waste some time and see...my thoughts right now are actually on a woman, a blonde chic who works at a mini-bakery cafe store..she's hawt
I think it would be a huge bonus if I made it to the gym before twelve...but just a bonus if I went at all today
hour2) still playing poker, I'm so not good at this game lol but its keeping me occupied. It's 11am now, perhaps 30 mins after smoking? 11:30, just got out of the shower, I smoked before, and prolly gonna light one up now, three cigs in 1:45, not too good a track record I suppose, but by now I'd be on my fifth. I think I should make my goal to make the pack last the entire day, lets say by 11pm, I think there's like fifteen in there now? I wanted to make the goal 0 a day, but I think I need to be realistic. Its frustrating cause I know it's all psychological. so, now, gym...I got my shorts on, will I make it? Lets find out.....
hour 3) I went to the gym, for 50 mins
hour4) I also did not take any cigs with me so my last one was at somewhere before 11:30..not particularly craving one but I'm sure I'll light one up cause I'm a schmuck..tiime to weigh in..I think last tiime I looked about a day ago, I was just below 103kg...I fucked it up last night, went all crazy so I'll be happy if its 102...k, results, I weighed 100.1!! wow, I didn't weigh myself in the morning but I just didn't imagine me being 102...I usually lose 2kgs when I go to the gym..so I drank 3 glasses of cold water, ate some gyro and now am at 101.5, freakin awesome! but I smoked two cigs this hour so need to take it easy. I want to nap so bad but napping is bad, I want to make it through the day without napping in hopes of sleeping during the night.
hour5) it's around 1:50 and I'm playing facebook poker again..you know what I did to trick myself into going to the gym? I said, just play five songs and that will take up at least 30 mins...smoke..its 2:01 and i regret it, I didn't enjoy it one bit..grr..whatev, I'[m taking a nap...
hour6) nap didn't last long, only half an hour, smoked played poker, now it's 3:30, smoked again, i got like fifteen cigs left. I'm setting the time now for those to last to 12am. You know, it would be a huge psychological mind boost to get the scale to say 98 kgs, I mean, I burned myself out with the gym stuff, I was going day and night and got the scale to read 99.8, if I take it easy with the food tonight, and go to the gym, I should be set up for tomorrow to get down to 99 or 98. something...we'll see.