It has been a very rough past couple of weeks. I refuse to talk to anyone, only been to the gym three times, and just find all kinds of comfort lying in my bed. I kinda feel like I"m waiting for something to happen but I don't know what. There's nothing to look forward to and I'm constantly looking back. I'm always thinking of New...
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So yea, having multiple family members stick their fingers in your life is frustrating and overwhelming because it means that I fucked up my life and whenever I view myself as being in that situation, I feel suicidal cause I don't care. However, I'll take that over living in an empty apartment wishing that I had money to go out and do something any day...
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It has been approximately 40 days since I last placed a bet. Not something to jump up and celebrate with confetti and all but I feel good that those 40 days have not been consumed with gambling. I had an incedible time at the beach with my family and I even managed to inject a bit of a moral victory in terms of women. I...
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I woke up today 97.7. Haven't done anything workout wise and I'm putting it on hold for now cause I think I'm going to the beach for a couple weeks so I just want to mentaly prepare myself for that so that I can enjoy it while it lasts. But also, today's reading from one day at a time is probably the most important thing...
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I had a whole day of some pretty intevsive workouts. I even did a 'bonus' walk to the supermarket which was about thirty minutes of walking in the sun. When I finished, I reached 96.1 but now I'm probably a bit above 98 cause I drank a TON of water and had some watermelon. This whole scale thing is definitely blown out of proportion. When...
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Phew! I went to the gym and did 50 minutes and am now back to 98kg. I didn't even weigh myself this morning cause I was too scared that it would have said over 100kg. So, if I go tonight, I just might make it below 97 and be able to wake up tomorrow morning below 98 for the first time. That means that if...
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I don't really know what to believe as far as guardian angels, but for me, I can make a pretty good case for having one and a good case for not having one. I haven't been watching intervention these past few days and I figured I'd begin a new one. It was about a heroin addict who was molested as a kid and also had...
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It's still very shocking to me that I did it. I did it three times. The positive is that I can't really relate to whatever was going on in my head at the time so it's something that I'm leaving in the past. Which brings me to today's reading, which was all about resentment. This is an experience that I'm all too familiar with. I...
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I kinda feel very out of touch with my greek fellows. My excuse is a good one though, I've been focusing on gym related activities. I'm very nervous though because I'm probably headed to the beach next weekend and probably wont loose any weight but gain weight. It's going to be up to me to go for a walk but judging by today, thats going...
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update...theres a part of me that says I haven't moved on. Theres an entire me that says I still avoid confrontation and avoid problems. That's kinda the 'subconcious reasoning' behind my message with the lesbian. I don't se her anymore, I don't talk to her anymore, and I don't think about her anymore. However, her name makes me nervous. I can't look at this girls...
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Well, I think my last post is indicative of how something's a brewin inside of me, and when somethings a'brewin inside of me, I usually do something I'll regret, so hopefully I can sort it out here and avoid doing something I'll regret. I sent an message to the lesbian chic, I had this whole email typed out about how I was in a 'blind'...
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I was so disgusted yesterday that I didn't even want to type anything in here. I got down to 96.7, went out, drank a beer and lots of water and ended up at 99...ugh...today was kinda the same thing but I'm not upset, cause I told myself its just water, nobody ever got fat from water. I dunno, I typed out this whole message to...
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