So I just started watching “Guardians Of The Galaxy” tonight on Blu-Ray, and I have to say that I’m absolutely delighted that I didn’t see this in the theater!

For just like any super-hero movie, the plot goes a little like this...

Karlon, subject of Quaylor, is a rogue wannabe defender of the galaxy, when he happens upon Burlon, bounty hunter and cute, affable resident of Urluan. Karlon tries to escape the clutches of sexy alien Gultan, but both are kidnapped by evil Julto when trying to foil the clutches of their keeper, Foltran. Foltran, a.k.a. "Starlord", is a renegade warrior without a code, who looks super sexy without his shirt. And all are trying to outwit the evil mastermind Culdorf, who considers him an imminent danger to Sparlor and its outlying territories.

o.0

Could this silly shit possibly be any less relevant whatsoever to anything at all?

Yep. Nope, probably not. Has the general population really not grown tired of this whatsoever?

Yikes.

It’s just watered-down ridiculousness where no one actually dies or is even seriously injured because the baddies don’t actually want to stop their adversaries, they just want to incapacitate them long enough for them to eventually be miraculously overpowered.

Even the music is tame: the Blue Swede cover of B. J. Thomas’ “Hooked On A Feeling” changed the lyrics from “I’ll just stay addicted and hope I can endure...”” to “I just stay a victim if I can for sure...” because the former was too close to a drug reference!

Just give me a plot that means something: not this saccharine fantasy tripe that could not figure at all into any aspect of real life even if it tried.

-- ∆☩Y§ ☨♆∀☥✠