seriouskate

I am so tired all the time. I can't even function on less than seven or eight hours of sleep anymore. I feel kind of numb and weird most of the time. I get up, drink coffee, smoke too much, shower, start freaking out that I spent too much time drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, figure what I'm going to eat, go to school and read, do research and go to classes. Then I read more or go back to class. Then I come home in a zombie-haze. I can't do anything really productive, but I can't really sleep yet. I smoke some cigarettes, finally go to bed hating my meaningless life.

Then I wake up again. When a day goes by that I don't get some kind of bad news it feels like a good day. Sometimes I make time to go to New Seasons or the oft burgled Market of Choice or Trader Joes for overpriced organic veggies and brown rice. I try to make casserole or some food with leftovers to save money. Then I stay up too late cooking food for the week.

I usually eat dinner way too late in the evening. This, among other things, is increasing the size of my already over large ass.

Then I wake up again feeling slightly sick and gross and hating the way I look and go to school. My life rules. Now I'm up too late again. I made some more casserole. I putzed around with German Criminal Procedure. I'm just waiting to find out this whole exercise is fucking pointless. I don't have any friends, I'm petty little person who mostly feels sorry for herself and probably isn't a very good friend. I'm also a whiny, unstable ingrate, in case the above bullshit didn't clarify that.