serenekerosene

Warning: possible rant, and bitchy post ahead. You have been forewarned.

So, I got dumped. By email. After a year and a half relationship. I had totally built up a little mental barricade with the whole "he doesn't treat me right, I'm going to break up with him" thing. And then he went and dumped me, and my barricade went *poof*. I mean, I still recognize it's for the best, but I still feel like shit.

What made it worse, is that I went to go be with my friend Jill, who was also having an awful evening. She was over at Ian's (who is the most gorgeous thing ever, and sweet as hell,we both have a semi-thing for him) and he ends up cuddling with her, and making out with her, while I'm right beside them. I felt like so much shit.

I wish I had good-looking, normal, sweet people interested in me. But I really have no one, except for a few socially disfunct and gross individuals, who are desperate and pretty much go for any female, so it's not that flattering in the first place.

And it's always been this way. And it's just that, when things have gone like this for me forever, I find it really hard to be optimistic and pretend that things will change. Because they don't.

I suppose everything has just built up and built up and now I just feel like a big ball of gross and ugly that nobody will ever want. It's the snowball syndrome.

I want to hide under a rock until I'm thinner and better looking, and things don't suck so much.

Blah. Well, I'm going to go play with my new camera I got for my birthday/christmas, and do some brooding.

Hope everybody is doing well, have a good one.