seratonin

So the wedding I worked last night was possibly the most annoying one in the history of G-rock (yes, that's what I call my fancy golf club...G-rock). Here's a tip, folks...when you get married, don't let your stupid guests clink glasses to make you kiss. It's fucking annoying, the servers get headaches and pissed off, and this is how entire glasses of red vino end up all over your pretty ivory linen. And no we don't change the linen until the wedding is over, so fuck you. One table in Party's and my section was fully hammered before it was even time for dinner and one of the guys, when it came to glass clinking time (which was frequently, to my utter disgust) decided to take his knife and pound it as loud as he could on the table. The two chicks to either side of him (both of whom I thought were pregnant, but couldn't have been because they were so effing wasted) kept grabbing his arm to try and make him stop, but he kept yelling and laughing and pounding away, dodging the ladies' attempts. Poor knife. Poor me!

The high point, howeva, was at the end of the night when someone came to the bar to inform me that some chick had barfed on the patio. I know you're not supposed to say "fuck" in front of wedding guests, but I momentarily forgot that: "What the fuck? What is she, 12?" I don't think he laughed. But really, is it your birthday? Are you at prom? Who pukes at a wedding?

So not only was it on the patio, like in one nice splooshy puddle, but no, she'd puked INTO her highball glass, all over the table (which is metal mesh and the chunks wouldn't fall through no matter how much soapy water we poured on it), onto the ground, and then I guess she ran and puked simultaneously because there was a trail to the edge of the patio, whereupon one may or may not be able to puke down to the ground and/or the bistro patio one floor down.

My favourite part was when Jessie (the hilarious one who described the dining room's dirty vag odor) was cleaning it up and thought everyone had left, and she came back in and yelled in disgust, "I have fucking puke juice all over my pants!" This girl never EVER swears, so it was interesting that both of us said the big no-no word in front of one of Barf Girl's friends...so meanwhile, Barf Girl is in the front hall crying because all the servers are talking about her, and her friends came in and gave us money and apologized about six hundred times. Yay $20!

That's all for me...I'm going to the gym, then the driving range with my Dadarooney, then hopefully out with some of you for some Star Wars and weed action. How was prom? Tell me tell me tell me!


P.S. I have Sunday off if anyone wants to go see The Get Up Kids with me...$20 and it's supposedly their last tour, AND they're super cute...