sensory

everything that keeps me together is falling apart.

she told me she isn't in love with me anymore.

she told me she hasn't been in love with me for a long time.

she told me my friend from massage school who stayed in our (no, now hers) apartment, that in my friend she saw what she thinks i "could be" if i wasn't sick.

the my friend showed her that things could be like my friends life, being social, being single.
my friend did nothing wrong, my friend is straight.

my head is spinning.
she told me all this tues night.
i've slept until now
and right now feel kind light headed.
i hurt so much.
i moved back into mymother's house.


adriane wants other people. specific people.
thinking of her kisising someone else makes me want to puke
she wanted to fuck me
i wouldn't let her
she wants someone else the way she wants me
she will kiss them like she kisses me
touch them in the same way as me.
it hurts
it hurts
iti hurts.

thank you for the dvd Jochen. i havent gotten a chance to watch it yet but it totally made my week. it was like a hug in the mail to remind me i do have friends