sensory

i may have spoken too soon

or maybe i really do doubt everything

what's wrong with me?

I don't know, but sometimes (which is a lot more than never) I have the strength to stand up for myself, I value myself enough to know I am being disrespected and that I know i deserve better.

I've drawn lines in sand so many times.

she was doing good for a bit. making the effort
the ring was supposed to be an extension or a physical representation of her willing and wanting to make things better, to stop the things that shouldn't have been in the first place, to show through her actions that she loves and respects me.

and she was really awesome when I had to go to the er, when i was really sick

it's the day to day things she's hung up on. if it's not a crisis she can't always be counted on. unless it's these big giant tests (which mostly involve me being sick and hospital visits) she drops the ball.
it's all the little things she fucks up
and the little things are what matter most to me

she's shutting down again too. I suspect she's falling back into old patterns and avoiding anything that is the least bit serious or involving emotion. She says she's getting depressed again.
I hate this excuse. She isn't taking her zoloft regularly, missing more doses than she takes. she says she hates how she feels when she's depressed and is finally acknowleding it's detrimental effects on our relationship............
.................but she makes no effort to take her pills.
not only that, when I mkae the effort to give her pills to take with me when I take mine, even then she oftens sets the zoloft down and "never gets around to taking it"

I'm losing my patience with her complaints about a situation she makes no effort to change.

and she's going to lose me if she doesn't make dramatic efforts to treat me better, because this is some serious bullshit.

thanks for listening to my insomniac rant.