Today I was woken up by an old friend calling. He came over, we hung out for a short while, and then went and hung out with some old friends who I hadn't seen for almost a year now. We played some poker, a tournement for 5 dollars. I won. We played some Halo on XBox. It was fun.
When my mom got home tonight, at about 11:30, she acted really strange. She had left me a note asking me to clean, I never saw it, and she acted like I was lying when I told her that. Then she started asking me all kinds of weird questions that had no importance at all, like if I moved this, or why I hadn't moved that. She was really, really weird.
I'm home for a day and she expects me to start cleaning up her messes she made while I was at college. She is the messiest person I have ever seen. Seriously, our house is hard to even walk through right now. And clutter really distracts my mind, I have trouble brushing my teeth because the bathroom sink is covered in her makeup, bottles of soap, and the like.
I planned on helping out without being asked, I just haven't had the time in the 30 hours I have been home. Now when I do it she will think it is because she asked me too, not because I realize how little time she has and how much work she has to do. But I need to do my things first.
She makes me want to just get in my car and drive.
Ever put effort into forming or maintaining a relationship, of any kind, and not get equal effort back? It really takes the life out of me.
It happens to me all the time, and I doubt the other people even realize that they are insulting me, but I can't help but take it as a subconsious insult. Hoping for an IM, or email, or call, or journal response, or even just a random visit. Something. Some sort of comunication.
Instead it's always me doing that, I always initiate conversations, I always ask to hang out, I always leave the journal entries. Then I am left just hoping, and wishing I were more interesting.
Except for today, but it wasn't someone who I had put any effort towards.
My subwoofer for my PC stopped working. I have no sound now. No music... nothing but my small collection of CDs. Not enough variety. I just got done listening to Trio's album Da Da Da.
I like to end my journal entries with a feeling of "eh," and I think I've accomplisehd that.
Whatever.
When my mom got home tonight, at about 11:30, she acted really strange. She had left me a note asking me to clean, I never saw it, and she acted like I was lying when I told her that. Then she started asking me all kinds of weird questions that had no importance at all, like if I moved this, or why I hadn't moved that. She was really, really weird.
I'm home for a day and she expects me to start cleaning up her messes she made while I was at college. She is the messiest person I have ever seen. Seriously, our house is hard to even walk through right now. And clutter really distracts my mind, I have trouble brushing my teeth because the bathroom sink is covered in her makeup, bottles of soap, and the like.
I planned on helping out without being asked, I just haven't had the time in the 30 hours I have been home. Now when I do it she will think it is because she asked me too, not because I realize how little time she has and how much work she has to do. But I need to do my things first.
She makes me want to just get in my car and drive.
Ever put effort into forming or maintaining a relationship, of any kind, and not get equal effort back? It really takes the life out of me.
It happens to me all the time, and I doubt the other people even realize that they are insulting me, but I can't help but take it as a subconsious insult. Hoping for an IM, or email, or call, or journal response, or even just a random visit. Something. Some sort of comunication.
Instead it's always me doing that, I always initiate conversations, I always ask to hang out, I always leave the journal entries. Then I am left just hoping, and wishing I were more interesting.
Except for today, but it wasn't someone who I had put any effort towards.
My subwoofer for my PC stopped working. I have no sound now. No music... nothing but my small collection of CDs. Not enough variety. I just got done listening to Trio's album Da Da Da.
I like to end my journal entries with a feeling of "eh," and I think I've accomplisehd that.
Whatever.
that sucks about going home. sometimes i feel like that. in my case, my dad can be a real asshole at places like restaurants etc., so even if i haven't seen him in a grip i don't always feel like it. that sucks, can't pick your relatives, the saying goes...
anyway, sorry if you're feeling down, hope that it's all cool. , sorry about your speakers too, that's a bitch. if you're in mpls i might be able to fix it.
what cd's are you listening to?
later,