semeone

There are some basic rules that apply to any and all personals sites (and these "friends" sites too if you are dumb enough to believe nobody is on here trying to get laid). And yes, I write these myself so try not to steal them and if you have an issue with any of them and want to bitch to someone, try to fuck off.

1. Whenever there is a photo of a group of people and you can't tell who is the person that has the profile, the person who you are talking to is ALWAYS the ugliest one in the picture. (The logic here is that you will want to be friends with them because they have cool friends, the reality of the situation is that the ugly person spends their entire life hooking people up with their much cuter friends, just as it should be.)

2. Girls ALWAYS have at least one picture of themselves with their lips puckered and their cheeks sucked in mistakenly believing it makes them look sexy. It actually makes them look like a really horny goldfish.

3. ANYONE with a photo of their car by itself should be avoided at all costs. Anyone that fixated on a piece of metal can never satisfy another human being emotionally. Note: Photos of people inside of their cars is acceptable.

4. The coolest person you have ever met online and that you want to spend the rest of your life with will ALWAYS live at least 2,000 miles away.

5. ANYONE who is wearing sunglasses in every picture will turn out to be Asian. I call this one the "Pearl Harbor maneuver" because, surprise, now that you have gotten to know the perpetrator and have started to like them, they think you will overlook the fact that you clearly stated "no asians please" in your own profile. Sorry Asians, you make great cars, but I can't wake up to those teeth every morning. Supporting theory #2; the Korean language sounds like somebody choking on a turd rolled in broken glass.

6. Girls post pictures of themselves with their cat/dog because they think it's cute, guys however ONLY post pics with their pets because they know girls are turned on by "sensitive" guys. The power of A pussy over THE pussy.

7. ANYONE who only has a close up face pic will be a fat girl. Note: There is nothing necessarily wrong with being a fat girl, but for fuck's sake, let's be up front about it shall we? (See Rule #5)

8. NOBODY wants to think about having sex with you when you have your baby niece in the photo. Staring at a diaper full of liquid shit is like anti-Viagra.