sehkh

sometimes i wonder what it is exactly that people of the opp sex dont like about me. that why im i always pinned in the "just friend" catagory, and even within that catagory i normally turn into "the friend i call when there is no one else to call". maybe its because i let it happen. i know im being used but i dont care because i lack the false attention. eh who knows. my journals seem to have turned into a major bitch fest on my part and for that i appologize. i went out to the club last night and saw creativegirl dancing away... i didnt have the guts to talk to her yet again but i smiled at her and she smiled back i think... heh. im a wuss. but that night was great. my friend vivian came out and she was a blast to hang with all night. yep shes another one of thouse "i like being alone and i never want a realtionship again... or at least not in the near future" people. but thats cool shes super intimidating to me.. i mean come on shes funny, shes sweet and shes extramly georgious!!! but i digress. we are going to work on some music together in the near future i hope. or it could have been the booze talking haha. anyway i also got to talk to a new girl by the name of steph at the club. shes a sweet girl but the poor thing gets hit on by every guy there. correction every creepy guy there. there was this one guy in particular that was talking with her most the night and actually got her number. i takled to her about it and it was sad she really didnt like him. so i asked her what kinda guy she did like and well its tall dark and handsome all 3 im not... well maybe dark... but still thats more due to race then anything else so does that still count. well at least i know now were i stand with her and its not worth getting rejected over. *sighs* but all in all i was having a blast. for a moment i forgot that i was alone and i was just enjoying the company of others. even now thinking about it i smile. gloria ditched me yet again though. this time to see some band *thats not mine* play. she ditched me twice last week for the same reason. she says she wants to out with me and what not but i dont see a point. i mean come on she never even makes time for me in her busy life.... *que sarcasim* and shen she does im normally droped for her friends. but yeah im not a kid anymore and i realize the title of realtionship means nothing if there is none. so i dont need this really i dont. i dont need to say im seeing someone when its only just that saying. the total ammount of time we spent together does not even come close to equalling a day. so fuck it. she can find another sucker. i will not be a trophy boyfriend lol. in this town its cool to say your dating a musician or an artist. its odd, but true. like its some big deal. maybe im jaded after doing this for 11 years. i dunno. i finished off the latest shock deformity and the amputee cd today. it came out nice. i need to give it to adam at some point so he can sell it at his show tomarrow. i hink im going to go to it. might be cool. maybe ill even offer to help him out. gotta take care of my steady clients hehe. i dont know if im going to the club tonight. i think im going to go hang out at Cheryls and pla yboard games. shes such a sweet dork! but she was cheating on me last nigh with asia! grr how could she! but anyway i guess im done.... talk to you guys later