so its been a very weird and messed up week. on weds. my GF told me that he had a miscarriage in the morning...but she didnt tell me till i was at work that night so it was a strange feeling i had all night at work. on thursday i started drinking at 2:30 pm and passed out at 8. then went out at 10 for more drinks. friday was our one year and we went to boston to grasshoppers and got a shit ton of food. then to newbury street then downtown crossing. it was rainign all day and guess who left his sun roof open in cambrigde... this guy right here. sun we took my GF dad out for breakfast as a late fathers day thing, then just sorta hung out around the house and cleaned a lil. mon. we looked at a house for sale it was cute but 9 cats lived in it and it reaked of piss. then we went over to my friend budds place and my mom called me: my uncle passed away.....
so of course i lost it. the rest of the day i was pretty good it was only when i was alone that i would lose it. it was just a weird surreal thing. like he was my parents age and he just collapsed at work. it doesn't seem true. all i know is that this is like my 3rd death in a year and a half.... and im getting fucking sick of going through months of the "what the fuck feeling" then once im over it having to go through it again.... the thing that is gonna get me the most is seeing my parents, my aunt, my grandparents, and his parents crying.... it kills me to see older people cry. i can't handle it. its just fucked up.
so of course i lost it. the rest of the day i was pretty good it was only when i was alone that i would lose it. it was just a weird surreal thing. like he was my parents age and he just collapsed at work. it doesn't seem true. all i know is that this is like my 3rd death in a year and a half.... and im getting fucking sick of going through months of the "what the fuck feeling" then once im over it having to go through it again.... the thing that is gonna get me the most is seeing my parents, my aunt, my grandparents, and his parents crying.... it kills me to see older people cry. i can't handle it. its just fucked up.
im sorry for all your losses. i understand and empathize completely. sometimes i wonder did i choose to have life this hard dealing with all this or is god just hating me right now? i guess it makes us stronger and maybe progress quicker if we deal with the tough stuff when we are younger?
i remember when my brother died, my mother couldnt even stand up. her legs kept giving out from under her. that made me cry more than anything.
stay strong!