secretisis

Holy jesus it's been a couple rough weeks. Found out last week from my doctor that one of my babies had hydrops and may pass away. I was pretty destroyed. Couldn't get into the Calgary hospital for 5 more days. It was torture waiting, not knowing if he would make it or not. But he did, and found out the hydrops was going away and their was way less fluid in his belly, only a tiny amount in his lungs, and there was only a little edema on the skin on his head. I was so grateful.. Until I got a double amniocentesis and now I'm scared all over again. Those things suck, I though I might die. I know now I am for sure getting a epidural when I go in to labour, fuck that. Couldn't handle a 6 inch needle going into my belly twice. Though, really, who could? It was awful. I haven't moved from the couch in two days I am so scared. Will never been getting one of those again, then again, I will never be having any more kids after this. Those two boys in there are going to be my only kids. This is too heartbreaking and scary!
Here's my two boys that have made me a wreak for the past 5 Months
Baby A, the sick one, sucking his thumb.

Baby B.