sechenie

so i pretty much am bitter and hate the wedding dress i got. And at this point, I am so resentful of it i think i would prefer to get married in jeans. And I spent at least 300 more dollars on it than I wanted, and its not the dress of my dreams. So Im pissed in general. Blagh. Weddings suck.

depressed. hate my body. hate my face. hate my self. hate my everything. Fuck the world.

Update Getting married Dec. 16th, got my dress its a maggie sottero style Caprice absolutely wonderful, no shoes, but I have the veil on the way, my future sister in law is (i think still) getting married on the 30th of this month (it has nothing to do with halloween but we are gonna have a rockin halloween party i think) and my mom gets...
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So. he pretty much doesnt want Bonnie or I around, he kicked us out of the car so i wont get to see him till tomorrow, and then we are having a big "talk" and im gonna be SOOOO PISSED if he dumps me. I flew from WA to SC then drove for 3 days to see him. AND NOW im driving for more days...
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I talked to him a bit ago and we worked stuff out and the wedding is now postponed. GOODNESS GRACIOUS i feel relieved. Everything is so much more wonderful now that I am not stressing about that. And I am going to stay in TN i think. It would be cruel to his dog anyways for me to drag the poor boy all over the...
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I spent a lot of time thinking and I think I have come to realize that I am not ready for this. I have all of these things Im worried about. For example. I want him to be the happiest guy ever, and i want to make him happy. But I dont. I worry him and I do things he hates and he gets upset...
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im getting cold feet about the wedding. I am afraid. And I dont think I can do this.

Doing better today, I figure I am just going to put my foot down and tell him to back the hell off because that is the kind of girl i am. I do NOT let a man tell me what I can and can not do, no matter how much I love him. My father does that, and the only reason why I let him...
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wretchedly moody because i talked to my fiance this morning and he said some things that disturbed me...a lot. I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to about it. Most certainly not my mother. lol.

realized yesterday that i was getting married in 20 days. 19 now. Funny how that hits you....It is insane how much I love him. And it is insane how everything we ever do always works out. When he goes I wont be afraid. Someone or something is looking out for our little family and I don't think they are gonna stop all of the sudden....
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