sebsis

Every time I start to go to a zendo, something happens and I can't, but I'm studying on my own, and frankly I got into studying it for the meditation, but the philosophy is doing me as much or more good. I don't get all stodgy about it, and stuff, I just look at things in a new light. For instance, today there was a you woman at the shop that somehow a conversation started with. She had long brown hair, a great body, carried herself with an air of confidence that I have always found extremely attractive. She and I talked for quite a while when her car was in being looked at (it was dead today, so I had nothing to do for long periods of time.) After her car was done I was outside about to ask another mechanic a question while he was coming inside from parking one he had finished up, and she came out to get her car and started talking to me again, she asked me about which car I would buy out of the 2 she was thinking about, and I told her and explained why that one over the other (Accord vs TSX, short version the Accord because you should never buy a car the first year in comes out because the first year is when they find the bugs in the system). As she was leaving she said that it was really great talking to me and hit me with the dazzling smile yet again and said "It was really nice talking to you, Kyle. It is Kyle, right?" Smart question I figure because yeah there is a nametag on my shirt, but she does not assume that is my name, she verified, and there have been days when I had a shirt get trashed and since I take my uniforms home I have to grab a shirt that someone has hanging in the locker room, so I have in fact worn someone elses shirts in the past. I said "Yup, I'm Kyle, and you are? And she hits me with that smile again and says "Kathy."
Now, I have seen her there before with her boyfriend, who I will not speak ill of, I will merely observe that he is not the kind of person I want to be like, because I have no desire to be percieved as being arrogant, and abrasive. I know they are together because he called her on her cell while we were talking in the lobby. So I know she is in a (presumably) happy relationship.

In the past, being single and attracted to her I would have said to myself "Fuck! She's hot! Man, I want to bang the SHIT out of her. And her boyfriends a piece of shit, I'm way better than him! That's fucked up!"

While I am aware that in the past I would have said that today, I said to myself "What an attractive woman! And she is friendly and very intelligent as well, and it makes me happy to talk to her! I'm lucky to have enjoyed looking at her, and getting to talk to her for a few moments, and it has made my day a little better!" (Thank you Kathy, who will never see these words, you rock!)

I think I like thinking the new way better.