sebastian6

It's rarely one or the other and yesterday was a good example. The weather yesterday- dark, rainy (mostly just sprinkly), cloudy, chilly, sullen. I loved it and I hated it. It was the best of times and the worst of times. Winter weather, especially the dark brooding nature of the season is both a blessing and a curse. Yesterday I felt a certain hopelessness from the weather. I missed the sunshine. The inevitability of death spoke to me in that weather. Sure, I'm being dramatic, but there's an unspoken quality to what we experience that deserves a bit of the poet's drama. It's days like yesterday that make me wonder if the sun will ever come out again. I think the rainy-ness is what tipped the scales. When it's dark and dry outside, I love it. When it's dark and rainy outside, I want to slit my wrists.

I lumbered through the day in a sort of constant state of dull, vague anger. Certain things piss me off and lately I've just been in angry mode. I think it's biological and meteorological. I feel better today though. The sun is out, the trees are flapping in their purple gold orange reverie. Life is good.

This weekend should be wonderful if I can ever figure out what to wear to Stimuli. But Saturday is a million years away from this perspective of morning work and business. My back hurts a little and I even thought of calling in sick today so I could shut myself up in my bedroom and watch bad TV while basking in the sunshine from my window. I'd look out over the rooftops of my neighborhood and feel like everything is okay. Distance often gives the illusion of tranquility.

I'll head out to lunch soon and ignore the fact that I weigh too much as I bob and slather over some obscene vittles. Lunch is my grand meal of the day and soon I must realize that my tastes and my health do not mix. When am I gonna learn?

-s6