seanconnery

love.

alone for the holidays, as per usual. it never bothered me before.

i wasn't alone last year.

it bothers me now.

i have the old holiday depression.

i'm thinking back of late on all the girls i've been attracted to over the years, mostly from the koin, and dividing them up into two groups; the girls i want to fuck and the girls i want to marry.

the first group is largely disposable. there will always be Hot Girls and i will never get to fuck any of them.

but the second group...

one of them i could probably have gotten with if she hadn't been in the process of becoming a dude. i'm sorry, but i'm just not into dudes. i like the shape of a girl's body, i like the clothes they wear, the way they move, and think and etc. personality-wise, this one is one of those tragic doomed from the start ones that you'll always wish had turned out differently, but there's no way it could have. just no fucking way.

the marriage list is pretty short, actually. a girl or two i really liked who were in fantastically stable relationships for the entire time i knew them, if not still to this day. in other words, no real chance at all.

that's been my luck for most of my life. all the girls i meet and like are generally taken, or else inaccessable for one reason or another.

whine whine whine. get out more. meet more people. life goes on.

but it's the holidays and it's been bothering me so i had to say something.