Day two in the Scroobius Pip trials:

As i awoke today i somehow knew i would be called upon to bring justice to the masses in some shape or form. I cant realy explain how i knew this. Maybe it was waking up with my head on the floor and my feet still in bed. Maybe it was the five pop tarts i devoured for breakfast. Maybe it was that feeling i had had inside since i was a child that let me know that when a descision had to be made I and I alone should be the one to make it.
I put on my brown suit and matching trilby, exited my seedy den, jumped in my open top chevvy and made my way to my battleground.
The Crown Court.
As i witness another....um....witness I was starting to feel a little uncertainty as to the strenght of this case. I loosened my thin tie, removed the spectacles from the end of my nose and fixed a stare on the witness the likes of which he had clearly never experienced. It was a telling stare. A stare that was saying:
"If you lie, Im gonna know.
And your gonna know.
And your gonna know Im gonna know.
And one glimpse at the outline of the chisled frame nestling beneath this tatty white shirt will tell you I aint someone you wanna get on the wrong side of.
And I dont like liars."

As the case went on the evidence came and went until it was time for us to retire to deliberate. As i looked around the room at the simple minded fools i was sharing this bench with i knew i had my work cut out to expose and explain the holes that where letting the warm sun shine right through this case like a thin summer dress and get right down to the sillouetted curves and contours of the main body of the case.
As they plodded through the "facts" i waited in silence observing each one of them and picking up on each bias. Then, when the time was right, i declared all the problems with their theories and bias opinions. I explained why things werent as clear as they thought and why they couldnt just make their descision on their prejudice stereotypical views. Then once i had finished I sat back and waited for the applause and adulation.
Turns out they didnt listen to a word i said and now we gotta go back tommorrow coz we had a split descision!
Goddamn it just aint like the movies..........