scotty

Another blog so soon, simply because I'm feeling so amazing.

I feel as though a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. A new start, a new beginning, a new chapter.

The sadness has gone, the anger has gone, all of those negative feelings have gone. I just feel ok with everything now. I feel as though I've accepted it. When I think about our lost baby now, I smile.... instead of cry.

I just woke up a couple of days ago, and felt ok with everything. All of a sudden, such a feeling of clarification and calm. And so thankful for the experience, as silly as that may sound. it's just like my brain decided to wake up, shake it off, see the positive side of it, and move on with life.

I had such an amazing day yesterday as well, that helped. It was just a really beautiful day, spent with really amazing people. Magical. I think it really marked the start of a new beginning.

And today, we had our post-op check up with our obstetrician. She was really pleased with how I'm healing and recovering, and gave us the go ahead to start trying again for another baby. Which was exactly what we wanted to hear.

And finally this afternoon, I put all of little Peanut's stuff into a box. Her ultrasound images, the images of her from surgery, the pregnancy test that originally confirmed her, my wrist band from hospital, the 'get well' cards and balloons, the dried flowers from the arrangements friends and family gave me, and some pictures of my husband and I from hospital. And doing that, finishing that and putting the lid on that box, was the best thing I could have done. As soon as I did that, I felt a million times better. I feel so at ease now.

Things are looking up again. Things are starting to feel amazing again. And as hard as the experience was, I'm so grateful, and so thankful for everything.

This photo was taken yesterday. And it really does show how I'm feeling right now. That weight lifted off my shoulders, and I smiled. And haven't stopped.