today i worked for 13 hours straight. what do i do? you ask.
well, I fix computers, and i fix networks, and i manage a companywide database. whoopty doo. today i saw myself working at the same place a year from now. now that is some scary shit. my main purpose in life right now is to realize the negative part of that visualization, and that is to be on the road as a touring musician one year from now. of course it'll be me, isabelle, james, and our awesome drummer (who is not with us yet, but shall be sooner or later). I cannot live like this, i feel like a rat that has succombed to a rat race-- but i also need to support myself. need to make music all the time.. need to.... live to. will it to be. sorry about this semi-depressing rant, if you take it that way, i think it is optimistic and healthy. i practice guitar now, then read some more of a book i'm reding, its called "the mote in gods eye" and then crash out to 6.3 hours of sleep yet to wake up again to a day filled with tasks which I don't WANT to do but which i HAVE to do.
sometimes my heart hurts because i love so much, and when there is no one to love, it hurts even more. does that make sense? sometimes i feel like i'm living in a dream within a dream within a story within a song, and I look around and see the universal language can tase her sweet penetration but then when th night falls all is dark and it is then that i really am alive, alive, burning up inside, the shadows are oceans of madness set against the blue sky of a thousand tears, the moans of billions living in a world of ego-individual solitude sickens the very fabric of this reality, i can't think much more anymore, all i can do is feel and live and know that I am going down this path towards the ight direction.
well, I fix computers, and i fix networks, and i manage a companywide database. whoopty doo. today i saw myself working at the same place a year from now. now that is some scary shit. my main purpose in life right now is to realize the negative part of that visualization, and that is to be on the road as a touring musician one year from now. of course it'll be me, isabelle, james, and our awesome drummer (who is not with us yet, but shall be sooner or later). I cannot live like this, i feel like a rat that has succombed to a rat race-- but i also need to support myself. need to make music all the time.. need to.... live to. will it to be. sorry about this semi-depressing rant, if you take it that way, i think it is optimistic and healthy. i practice guitar now, then read some more of a book i'm reding, its called "the mote in gods eye" and then crash out to 6.3 hours of sleep yet to wake up again to a day filled with tasks which I don't WANT to do but which i HAVE to do.
sometimes my heart hurts because i love so much, and when there is no one to love, it hurts even more. does that make sense? sometimes i feel like i'm living in a dream within a dream within a story within a song, and I look around and see the universal language can tase her sweet penetration but then when th night falls all is dark and it is then that i really am alive, alive, burning up inside, the shadows are oceans of madness set against the blue sky of a thousand tears, the moans of billions living in a world of ego-individual solitude sickens the very fabric of this reality, i can't think much more anymore, all i can do is feel and live and know that I am going down this path towards the ight direction.
I want to say that this is beautiful....but beautiful doesn't quite have the right fit. Definately inspirational. Providing the exact words for the torment burning inside of me......Goodnight.