September was awful, cause Kaili passed away.

She was six years old. Cancer.

And when you're like me and don't form emotional connections, it really destroys you inside when you do form one.

Yet, in public. I had to be me. Because I can't show that weakness. The pain that lingers under every inch of my skin.

Scraping and clawing, screaming from the depths of my mind. It was torture.

Even now it still hurts.

I would have talked to someone I knew. Someone I could trust. But they moved.

And it's not that I can't trust the people I know. I know I can.

It's that I can only reveal that part of myself to a few select people. The people who know me, truly know me.

It's that simple.

And now, with Kaili gone. I feel utterly alone.

Hollow and decayed like the days spent as a child.

Far from the bits of humanity that so many easily grasp.

Thrown around in a sea of abysmal darkness that I couldn't possibly fathom escaping from.

But I have those memories of every moment spent with that adorable pup. Those memories do bring some light into this darkness. Provide a ray of hope in what seems like an endless sea of darkness writhing around me. And that is enough to keep me going.

While life may be hard. We may lose that we love. Whether they be pets, friends, or family. There are those memories. The moments you shared. They bind you in such a way that they live on in you. Never let a loss hold you back. As you are now living for them as well.

Or at least that's how I see it.

Time for more number crunching and data analysis. Yay.......