scorpihoe

Well it is nighttime once again. Lately this has been a really hard time for me. It is when my demons get the best of me. So rather than cut, which is what I desperately want right now, I am writing this blog. Don't feel like you have to respond to it, it is just the rambling of a girl trying to be strong. I have gone for so long with out my crutch, why do I want it so badly again. To be honest I don't know if I would have really quit cutting had I not gotten my tattoo. But I could start again now and it would take people a while before catching on. After all, I wear long sleeves to work and most people don't really pay attention anyway. I guess it is the hope that it will once again be that lovely distraction from my emotional pain. But I know better, I know the only way to make that pain to go away is to deal with it and not complicate the situation by giving into my other urges. I know that the day after I will feel incredible guilt and remorse about giving in, thus making me feel worse. But I shouldn't even be here. I should have this think kicked in the ass, but I don't. I still struggle, and I don't think anyone but me realizes it. My friend came over tonight and we drank awesome hot tea and watched x-files. It was a great night and I am grateful she was here. More than she knows. I don't like being a charity case and if I let people know what is going on in my head that is what I become. I am just going to try to keep busy. Speaking of which, I am making myself start to exercise again. Perhaps with time that will help too. I don't know what else to say.