scorpihoe

Hope everyone is doing well. I am doing well actually. I had a panic attack last night, no fun. I hate them. Hopefull that will be my one for the year, no mas! It is amazing how things can come back at a moments notice to rip your guts out and leave you curled on the bed. What set last night's events into motion? Grey's Anatomy of all things. My friend's came over and we caught up on the last few weeks of the show. There were a few key lines that i felt deep inside and started me thinking. I let it go while people were here, but when i tried to go to sleep my mind began to start racing. I don't even know why i started thinking about those terrible things. Then i got scared. Don't ask me why, it isn't a rational reaction. The room began to spin as i hyperventalated. I am glad no one else was around, it is a scary thing for others to see. It still freaks me out eventhough i have had theses kind of episodes since 8th grade. Sometimes even good things bring them on. Up until last year, i only had it happen once a year. Last year, as anyone who knows me, my world feel apart. So needless to say, it happened more than once last year. But it seems like forever since the last one. One thing that makes me happy about the event last night was that i pulled myself out of it. I used imagery and prayer.

When i was growing up i always had a picture of what God looked like. To me, he was a huge oversized comfy pure white chair. One that i could cuddle up in and be safe. I am sure it seems weird to people that i picture God as a piece of furniture, but i don't care. Now i imagine myself being held by him in that chair. It is a slight difference, but big to me. I need him to hold me at times, like last night. After that i calmed down.

When to the beach again today, took lots of cool picts. It was great weather out today for the beach, not freakin cold! Hope you all enjoy the pictures!