Secrets hold
and are held
until gone
To return when wrong
So why
When we are
before
slaves so long
To return when wrong
...
Hi, I ramble.
...
While talking to a close friend (and ex-girlfriend) recently, it occured to me that while the overt symptoms of a long term depression have been broken away (mostly), and a more subtle layer of behaviors and their affect have softened and begun to slide off, there must be a layer of this thing which is subtler still; I'm still under the thumb of a terrible fear. Terrible because it is so absolutely reasonable and comfortable, so responsible, so sensible, so expected. I refuse to put my way of life through any type of drastic change which I might have to ease my control over in order to let function. There are things I want to do -have wanted to do for years or decades- which I just can't make myself let go enough to do.
I mean, fuck. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a long and crappy situation? I need a little more of that owl in me. He knew his shit. He was a freakin' professor.
...
Also, in case you ever need to know, soap and water don't remove Pac-man blood from your hands, so use a solvent like alcohol or better.
That is all.
...
Oh, that is not all: I finally filled my prescriptions. I haven't started taking them again, but it's a start?
and are held
until gone
To return when wrong
So why
When we are
before
slaves so long
To return when wrong
...
Hi, I ramble.
...
While talking to a close friend (and ex-girlfriend) recently, it occured to me that while the overt symptoms of a long term depression have been broken away (mostly), and a more subtle layer of behaviors and their affect have softened and begun to slide off, there must be a layer of this thing which is subtler still; I'm still under the thumb of a terrible fear. Terrible because it is so absolutely reasonable and comfortable, so responsible, so sensible, so expected. I refuse to put my way of life through any type of drastic change which I might have to ease my control over in order to let function. There are things I want to do -have wanted to do for years or decades- which I just can't make myself let go enough to do.
I mean, fuck. How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a long and crappy situation? I need a little more of that owl in me. He knew his shit. He was a freakin' professor.
...
Also, in case you ever need to know, soap and water don't remove Pac-man blood from your hands, so use a solvent like alcohol or better.
That is all.
...
Oh, that is not all: I finally filled my prescriptions. I haven't started taking them again, but it's a start?
~cheers