scientistofsleep

so, its time to talk about it.
Firstly, I dont particularly like my new job. Im not going to be all snobby and go into much detail about it, or why. Plus its a pay-cheque and I am only there for another month. Or at least i hope so, i hope to get something better to replace it in the new year.
i've been going through a pretty tough time of it the last couple of months- i promise this wont turn into a 'pity me' blog, but basically i've had to deal with 2 people im close to getting v.sick, one after the other, and my own mental health not being in peak condition as a result of it. I had 2 pretty big breakdowns within a week of each other. My confidence has also been shattered recently and as a result alot of my personal relationships have suffered. Despite not liking the job it has, however, given me back some of this lost confidence. However my ambition has still not returned, looking to the future is a difficult thing for me as there isnt really one at the moment.
I've always felt I am supposed to do something, something really amazing, or at least have a really cool job, one I love, am devoted to, and look forward to going to. To find my 'vocation' I guess, though I am not a fan of that word, for its more obvous conotations. Having never been motivated by money, (once i just have enough i am always happy) I alway thought it would be easy for me to simply find something that makes me happy.
It is not.