Monday Nov 14, 2005

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I feel like I've been beating myself over the head with finely crafted essays for weeks. Oh wait! I have.
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elana:
I love that your last update was almost a year ago and that the only group you're a member of is the Adult Swim group biggrin
uni:
You do? Why? smile

Tuesday Nov 01, 2005

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All Saints. And who are you talking to today?

This is my favorite day. Hallowe'en is good. But this is the slow, limnal space which comes after. And it's better.

It's one of those small heresies the church couldn't put down. Could only mask in the trappings of Christianity. All Saints Day, when the spirits gather in graveyards to honor the dead. In the South,...
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Tuesday Nov 01, 2005

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Well, I let my account lapse. Tried to stay away. But nope, now I'm back. Go willpower.

Monday Sep 26, 2005

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Don't have much to say.

Unable to sleep, practicing the Hebrew recitation of Kings 2:2 in bed, I walk out onto the porch in my pyjamas. Something isn't right, and I don't know what. I can't put my finger on it, and it's keeping me awake. Problems always do.

I sit wedged between the front porch posts, look out at the sky crying. This mood...
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Wednesday Sep 21, 2005

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Whoa. Okay. So. Yeah. Too much work. 200 pages of reading in one night. I could only take notes in 100 pages before my hand started cramping, and I've never had note-taking cramps before. Agh.

Tuesday Sep 20, 2005

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I feel weirdly bothered by everything, and I don't know why. It's as if my subconscious mind is a lot more touchy than my conscious mind. It keeps feeling hurt or worried, and then it dictates some weird emotional state without telling my conscious mind why. It's very annoying, because I think I might actually be acting histrionic and that bothers me. I need...
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Saturday Sep 17, 2005

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Finished first week of classes. All I can think of is: pain. I have hardly any time left for the people who matter, my life is readings, Hebrew excercises, and work. I hate working the most, but when you need money to buy textbooks... ehg.

I want to list the trite things which are bothering me. I'm joining so many clubs, it sickens me. Debating...
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Wednesday Aug 24, 2005

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It's weird how we associate maturity with the amount of emotional damage someone has accumulated.

Man, two times in one day. Go me.
hedy:
thank you mucho for yer kind words on my somewhat fuzzy set!! blush

yer a cutie. kiss

i dunno, i would say emotional damage can definitely lead to emotional maturity...or to somebody falling into a downward spiral of drugs, hatred, and anger. blackeyed
hedy:
i like you lots. yer "makes me happy" section is utterly lovely.

Tuesday Aug 23, 2005

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Walking home from Roncesvalles through High Park in the state of mind that I've been in - lately - was interesting. A man seen from a distance through slitted eyes became a wobbling T-rexian nightmare, eyes glowing as streelight glared off of his blocky glasses. A man reaching (naked) for a glass of amber liquid glimpsed briefly through his windows on High Park avenue lets...
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Sunday Aug 21, 2005

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So tired, can't sleep. Insomnia seems to be starting up again. Can't really say that I missed it.

I keep finding that I'm really not good at living a complicated life. I feel unbalanced, overwhelmed, out of my depth. I'm not particularly good at multi-tasking, and that extends into more abstract realms - like emotion and understanding other people. I like things to be clear,...
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fatality:
Perhaps, in times of insomnia, you should reconsider {one of} the "5 Items I Can't Live Without."

But, yes, I agree with your general feelings of attempting to slow down the haste of life. Often, though, I find that I live my live as a preview to recording it - thinking of how each experience can be documented (photographically, verbally, etc.), and that changes the very nature of an experience itself.

headspider:
Threw up all night. Call me tomorrow?
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