schobeleth

Alright, I wanted to get one thing clear for anybody who does find my profile:

I am white, even if my name and everything reeks of asian-ness. I'm just really into Asia, especially Japan? That's the ticket, methinks.

Well, I wanted to add in a set of lyrics I wrote last night after a long ass fight with my parents and such.. I wrote it in a little less than ten minutes, it just burst out of me like an alien. Here they are:

~Endless Sea~

I don't know... what's what anymore..
I don't know... where to go..
I don't know... what to do..
I don't know... where to start.

~Chorus~
I know it seems like a bad thing
To always let your heart swing
I know it seems like a bad thing
To always let my heart swing....
~

Trying to kill my heart, now...
Trying to end it all, now...
Trying to break free, now...
Before the light is lost.

~Chorus~

I know how simplistic they are, and how cheesy/emo they are, but that's what I am inside and out. I've been told by a good friend of mine that I'm the epitome of emo, that I'm TOO emotional. Ever since I was born, my dad has worked his ass off, and therefore I was practically raised by my mom. I'll even quote her in saying "I raised you to be the perfect husband." So, maybe that means I'm basically.. a shell of a man? I dunno..

As of right now the only things keeping me going are my two best friends, Leo and Kevin, and my plans to move to the UK. I seriously need to get out of here and be free of my family, not in a "I fucking hate you, I never want to see you guys again" way, it's basically a "there's nothing wrong with you, I just need space and time to straighten out my hormones and such."

Before I was impulsive and irrational, and now I just want to be happy. Lmao, what a change... All those years of heartache and being pushed to the brink of myself, to the last few threads of hope I had left. Through hell and back Leo and Kevin have been here for me, telling me to never give in and prove all of them right, to keep on going because I deserve that dream girl, wherever she is out there, and whenver I meet her.

Over the past few days I kept thinking that all I wanted to do was to throw everything I have into my plans with Leo and Kevin, with the band, to become as world-reknowned as possible, so we could all basically smack all the women around the world in the face saying "THIS IS WHAT YOU COULD OF HAD, THIS IS WHAT YOU HAD A CHANCE WITH, BUT YOU FUCKED IT UP."

I've been way too stressed out in the past few days, between work, my parents, my life, my hormones, everything. *sighs* I felt like all I had were my two friends, and the ability to sacrifice everything to make them feel horrible in the end, because we all know too well that nice guys finish last, apparently.

Does anybody wonder why the boss in the corporate building is a complete asshole? Because he's the one you picked on during high-school, he's the nice guy who was used, abused, left to die, told that he deserved better, and generally pushed to the limits himself as I have. Eventually it gets to the point to where all we have left is deep, seething, burning hate and passion to become greater and as powerful as possible, especially in the end, to shove it all in their faces.

Personally, I'm beyond that now and.. I think it's just too stupid. Why should people pick on other people because they're that insecure of themselves? Why should men treat women like they're not human, that they're emotionless and sexual objects? Look at the other side, why should women treat men like they're all penises with no brains? That they're all just means to get what they want?

It's all just the clashing between the genders and it all boils down to the general confusion and stereotypes that each sex gives the other. It's all routed from people they've dated, from experiences they've had, from the heartache they've felt. Over time it evolves into a general deep-mistrust and ignorance to the other sex, and I seriously hate it.

I wish I could help everybody overcome it, I wish I could figure out the truth to everything and smack everybody in the face with it, but I can't. Trying to make somebody do, think, or act something is going against free will.

Whether you're religious or not, if you have the intelligence to question everything that I have, to the point where you feel like there is no point anymore, to where you've figured it all out yourself and that it's all too much to bare, to the extent where you just want to fade away and not feel your heart anymore.

Sigh, I've ranted on for way too long. That just garunteed that noone will read this, Rofl. Well, I'm going to repost this in my livejournal, too.. Another thing, my dad was talking to me on an errand a few hours ago, about my social life and such.. Pulling me away from the internet, etc. *sighs* Well, he had all these suggestions as to what I should do with myself, and my appearance. After hearing the same shit again, like a broken record, I said to him "If I wanted to do that, wouldn't I of already done it???" and he replied with "Well, you're not going to get muscles by *gestures* typing on the computer!"

That was about the extent of it.. Them just bashing my way of things, how I'd rather meet a girl from the inside out, how I'd rather be with a girl who reads higher end things like I do, who is into music like I am, who is generally on the same page as me, yanno? I told him I dunno how many goddamn times that I can talk to women in real life, face to face, I love to! The thing is, if we don't even have the slightest thing in common, I'm automatically, ehh.. Turned off? I dunno. It's just, here it feels like I just keep meeting the same girls, the same types, the same interests, the same goals and music taste, everything is so fucking similar I want to blow my brains out to add some variety into it *spazzes*

I'd just be happy with a girl who is pretty, intelligent, has even the remotest thing in common with me, and has a heart of gold. That's enough for me, and I've been told it's not much to ask for, especially with how I am. Hehe, I hope someone reads this and gives me an opinion. Anything'd be appreciated with much love =P