Posted somewhere else: 7 hours ago
this is stupid.
my life is stupid.
how will i ever do anything if i can't even get up off the couch? i am Depressed.
I have no motivation to do anything.
i don't even really want to talk to anyone, i just want someone to hold me and let me cry.
i hate feeling like this.
i hate having to pretend like i don't feel like this so that i don't make other people feel uncomfortable.
how the hell am i supposed to go to work tomorrow and act natural.
i don't think i have much more 'game face' in me.
and i've become worse and worse at putting on the game face.
i feel like i don't have anyone.
i know that isn't true, i know it isn't. but right now, in the house, alone, i feel like it certainly is.
god damn it this sucks.
Update:
an hour later and i still hate my life.
usually this passes, but tonight it's sticking around.
i want someone to talk to, but... i also think i need to go to sleep.
i am obsessing over things that i should just let go.
i need to keep reminding myself that i can't control the future-- no matter how badly i want to.
i need to take care of myself and let the rest roll off my back like water 'off a ducks fins' (sorry, inside joke)
i just don't know how to be anything else besides what i am, and more and more i'm feeling awfully lame.
today i went to the pharmacy and picked up my medication and then came home.
i've been alternating between surfing the web and playing Elite Beat Agents on my DSlite. all day.
i have no motivation to go out and do anything. i tried to come up with something to do today, but nothing interested me. so i just went home. i've been sitting on the couch for most of the day.
Couch potato.
big fat bag of lame boringness.
i've been trying to distract myself and not think about all the 'awful' things in my life right now.
i know that things could be worse. but for a girl who's got it relatively good, this feels pretty bad.
the only thing i can do is be who i am, feel what i feel, and let the rest sort itself out, right?
i'm just so fucking tired of this.
i want something else.
i want something new.
i want to be-- not like this.
i want to be grateful for what i've got, not sitting here crying over things i don't even know that i have to be worried about.
this is stupid.
my life is stupid.
how will i ever do anything if i can't even get up off the couch? i am Depressed.
I have no motivation to do anything.
i don't even really want to talk to anyone, i just want someone to hold me and let me cry.
i hate feeling like this.
i hate having to pretend like i don't feel like this so that i don't make other people feel uncomfortable.
how the hell am i supposed to go to work tomorrow and act natural.
i don't think i have much more 'game face' in me.
and i've become worse and worse at putting on the game face.
i feel like i don't have anyone.
i know that isn't true, i know it isn't. but right now, in the house, alone, i feel like it certainly is.
god damn it this sucks.
Update:
an hour later and i still hate my life.
usually this passes, but tonight it's sticking around.
i want someone to talk to, but... i also think i need to go to sleep.
i am obsessing over things that i should just let go.
i need to keep reminding myself that i can't control the future-- no matter how badly i want to.
i need to take care of myself and let the rest roll off my back like water 'off a ducks fins' (sorry, inside joke)
i just don't know how to be anything else besides what i am, and more and more i'm feeling awfully lame.
today i went to the pharmacy and picked up my medication and then came home.
i've been alternating between surfing the web and playing Elite Beat Agents on my DSlite. all day.
i have no motivation to go out and do anything. i tried to come up with something to do today, but nothing interested me. so i just went home. i've been sitting on the couch for most of the day.
Couch potato.
big fat bag of lame boringness.
i've been trying to distract myself and not think about all the 'awful' things in my life right now.
i know that things could be worse. but for a girl who's got it relatively good, this feels pretty bad.
the only thing i can do is be who i am, feel what i feel, and let the rest sort itself out, right?
i'm just so fucking tired of this.
i want something else.
i want something new.
i want to be-- not like this.
i want to be grateful for what i've got, not sitting here crying over things i don't even know that i have to be worried about.
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
i know that you know that, but i'll say it again and again. as often as needed.