there is a point where people get sick of the same old ramblings.
but i'm not going to stop rambling.
at least if i get it down here, it isn't just in my head.
even if i can't actually talk to anyone, i'll always have this screen and these keys to communicate.
there is a pattern, a routine, a cycle. Everything is circular these days. I want to break the cycle. Is it enough to just want it?
Ayanami was soul-less, replaceable, and used by everyone around her.
No one understood her, no one knew the reason for her retreat.
i'm making a zine...
i'm digging up old journal entries.
i've found that i really like a lot of the stuff that i've written.
up above was a relic realting to why i have gone back to the alias Ayanami, and here is another not so old relic that struck a chord in me tonight.
OCTOBER 8, 2006 @ 10:26 AM
there comes a point where you begin to expect nothing.
you accept that people lie, that they lie to you, and will indiscrimately hurt your feelings. They do this no matter how nice they initially appear. Everyone will at some point.
It feels terrible to think this way.
Makes me hate myself just a little bit more. (as if i needed that)
But in reality, in this so called real world, it is true.
People will run a sword inbetween your ribs to make themselves feel better and with no concern as to how you will get it out or who is taking you to the hospital this time.
I recently began writing a journal entry that i never posted because i was a little upset at the contents, but before i could think about what writing i told myself that i just needed to keep my head down and keep walking, and that everything would be okay. Now i'm wondering if that is my problem all along. Instead of taking risks i keep my head down and keep walking waiting unil i get 'where i'm going' to do anything. They say "this too shall pass" but it doesn't pass unless you help it along.
I guess i should help mine along.
but i'm not going to stop rambling.
at least if i get it down here, it isn't just in my head.
even if i can't actually talk to anyone, i'll always have this screen and these keys to communicate.
there is a pattern, a routine, a cycle. Everything is circular these days. I want to break the cycle. Is it enough to just want it?
Ayanami was soul-less, replaceable, and used by everyone around her.
No one understood her, no one knew the reason for her retreat.
i'm making a zine...
i'm digging up old journal entries.
i've found that i really like a lot of the stuff that i've written.
up above was a relic realting to why i have gone back to the alias Ayanami, and here is another not so old relic that struck a chord in me tonight.
OCTOBER 8, 2006 @ 10:26 AM
there comes a point where you begin to expect nothing.
you accept that people lie, that they lie to you, and will indiscrimately hurt your feelings. They do this no matter how nice they initially appear. Everyone will at some point.
It feels terrible to think this way.
Makes me hate myself just a little bit more. (as if i needed that)
But in reality, in this so called real world, it is true.
People will run a sword inbetween your ribs to make themselves feel better and with no concern as to how you will get it out or who is taking you to the hospital this time.
I recently began writing a journal entry that i never posted because i was a little upset at the contents, but before i could think about what writing i told myself that i just needed to keep my head down and keep walking, and that everything would be okay. Now i'm wondering if that is my problem all along. Instead of taking risks i keep my head down and keep walking waiting unil i get 'where i'm going' to do anything. They say "this too shall pass" but it doesn't pass unless you help it along.
I guess i should help mine along.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
you definitly need to help them along