schmelectra

not feeling all anxious and weird anymore. that is nice.
i don't have much to report other than apparently i've been forgiven (or something) by the heavy metal librarian. whatever. if he won't be my friend or even engage in some sort conversation (as opposed to shutting me out like he did when we were dating), he can think whatever he wants. i don't really care.
the only reason i post anything at all about him, the only reason i still think about him at all is his intellect. i need someone around me to challenge me, to make me feel stupid because comparatively i am. i know i'm no better than you, asshole. i never said i was. (but doesn't it make you feel good when someone you thought was perfect in some way turns out not to be? pardon me for indulging myself a little. it's been a rough month or two)
back on topic. i connected with him in a way that i have never connected with a guy. i knew it wasn't mutual. it was just that he made me want to learn, he made me want to keep up. it was nice to have some outside motivation, instead of my friends telling me that getting a "B" is good enough and "D" stands for Done and/or Decent.
On the one hand i want to feel guilty for posting that about him, but on the other hand i'm pretty sure he's emotionally bankrupt and thus wouldn't care what i thought of him or said about him. or at least that was my understanding about the emotional bankruptcy. i guess i could have gotten it mixed up. it has been a while.

i should make this members only, but i'm not. on purpose.