Time flies when you're old and busy. Shit.
Work has been, of course, ridiculous. I have worked the last three weekends in one capacity or another, and it's getting really old. Last month I was on hematology and became the newest Bone Marrow Queen, shattering records for number of bone marrows performed and signed out in a five day period. I DO NOT LIKE performing bone marrows. Huge needles, lots of needles, squirming patients, an excruciatingly painful procedure. No thanks. Unfortunately I have to perform 5 to be board-eligible. I prefer my patients dead, when I can't fuck them up. I was trying to infiltrate lidocaine into the periosteum of this guy's iliac crest, and was hitting the bone in a 360 circle around the area where I was going to biopsy, like you're supposed to. When I aimed cephalad, though, the needle just...... kept going. There should have been bone there, but wasn't. WTF??? Was it some weird anatomical variation? Was I perforating his sigmoid colon and/or left kidney with my six-inch spinal needle? It was just horrifying. And, of course, he was anticoagulated, and so was bleeding like a stuck pig everywhere, and made me worry that my biopsies were going to be shit after all this effort because they would be diluted with peripheral blood (which makes accurately interpreting a bone marrow biopsy impossible). Amazingly? They were fine. And so was the patient. And so was I.
I love Halloween. I went as a pregnant white trash battered wife, which I realize is horribly un-politically correct, but it was more amusing at the party when everyone thought I was Britney Spears. The boy went in a dirty, cum-stained (yes, for real) wife beater and basketball shorts, and we proudly sported fake hickeys, bruises, claw marks, bite marks, and bloody noses from our domestic scuffle. Turned out pretty good. I don't have a picture of the piece de resistance, which was the super tight pink t-shirt with the huge gold print that said "MO MONEY MO SEXY", which was $4.99 at the ghetto store. I don't know what that means.
The best part is, some people thought I was ACTUALLY pregnant.
My babies are at the vet right now, getting their teeth cleaned. I worry about them.
The boy and I went to Chicago last month. It was so so so so so nice to be home, and see my old friends and old stomping grounds. We went to have overpriced cocktails on the top of the John Hancock building at dusk, at which point the boy produced a spectacular Cartier diamond ring. Unfortunately, it was too big. When we took it back to the Cartier in Phoenix to order the right size, I found another ring that was even more spectacular (and much more expensive, accordingly, natch). Because the boy is a keeper, he bought that one once he saw the look of rapture on my face. And who knew? When you buy a diamond ring from Cartier, they break upon champagne for you in the store. We drank the whole bottle in fifteen minutes, because we are classy; yes, we are. Especially post-diamond spree, as we eat soup and Taco Bell, because we are poor.
Oh, and yay! I got a job! More specifically, a real, long-term job for when I finish my residency. No more fretting about fellowships. I will be on a partnership track after only one year. The money is fantastic. The other doctors are ridiculously nice, and they're all D.O.s, which is the icing on top. The relief is monstrous, it feels like the hugest weight is off my shoulders. Now, I just need to finish my MBA (9 more months) and take my pathology boards (which, incidentally, cost $2200 and are only given in Tampa, Florida [WTF?]) and I'll be ready to roll.
Secret's Vanilla Chai scented deodorant smells like ass. I should have known it was a bad idea.
Work has been, of course, ridiculous. I have worked the last three weekends in one capacity or another, and it's getting really old. Last month I was on hematology and became the newest Bone Marrow Queen, shattering records for number of bone marrows performed and signed out in a five day period. I DO NOT LIKE performing bone marrows. Huge needles, lots of needles, squirming patients, an excruciatingly painful procedure. No thanks. Unfortunately I have to perform 5 to be board-eligible. I prefer my patients dead, when I can't fuck them up. I was trying to infiltrate lidocaine into the periosteum of this guy's iliac crest, and was hitting the bone in a 360 circle around the area where I was going to biopsy, like you're supposed to. When I aimed cephalad, though, the needle just...... kept going. There should have been bone there, but wasn't. WTF??? Was it some weird anatomical variation? Was I perforating his sigmoid colon and/or left kidney with my six-inch spinal needle? It was just horrifying. And, of course, he was anticoagulated, and so was bleeding like a stuck pig everywhere, and made me worry that my biopsies were going to be shit after all this effort because they would be diluted with peripheral blood (which makes accurately interpreting a bone marrow biopsy impossible). Amazingly? They were fine. And so was the patient. And so was I.
I love Halloween. I went as a pregnant white trash battered wife, which I realize is horribly un-politically correct, but it was more amusing at the party when everyone thought I was Britney Spears. The boy went in a dirty, cum-stained (yes, for real) wife beater and basketball shorts, and we proudly sported fake hickeys, bruises, claw marks, bite marks, and bloody noses from our domestic scuffle. Turned out pretty good. I don't have a picture of the piece de resistance, which was the super tight pink t-shirt with the huge gold print that said "MO MONEY MO SEXY", which was $4.99 at the ghetto store. I don't know what that means.
The best part is, some people thought I was ACTUALLY pregnant.
My babies are at the vet right now, getting their teeth cleaned. I worry about them.
The boy and I went to Chicago last month. It was so so so so so nice to be home, and see my old friends and old stomping grounds. We went to have overpriced cocktails on the top of the John Hancock building at dusk, at which point the boy produced a spectacular Cartier diamond ring. Unfortunately, it was too big. When we took it back to the Cartier in Phoenix to order the right size, I found another ring that was even more spectacular (and much more expensive, accordingly, natch). Because the boy is a keeper, he bought that one once he saw the look of rapture on my face. And who knew? When you buy a diamond ring from Cartier, they break upon champagne for you in the store. We drank the whole bottle in fifteen minutes, because we are classy; yes, we are. Especially post-diamond spree, as we eat soup and Taco Bell, because we are poor.
Oh, and yay! I got a job! More specifically, a real, long-term job for when I finish my residency. No more fretting about fellowships. I will be on a partnership track after only one year. The money is fantastic. The other doctors are ridiculously nice, and they're all D.O.s, which is the icing on top. The relief is monstrous, it feels like the hugest weight is off my shoulders. Now, I just need to finish my MBA (9 more months) and take my pathology boards (which, incidentally, cost $2200 and are only given in Tampa, Florida [WTF?]) and I'll be ready to roll.
Secret's Vanilla Chai scented deodorant smells like ass. I should have known it was a bad idea.
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How's life? How's medicine? Are those even distinct questions?